The director’s gaze turned to me. It had only been two days, but it was the longest his eyes had lingered on me during those two days. It was also the first time his gaze wasn’t indifferent or hostile.
Not the gaze of a head lion watching the movements of a strange animal lurking around, wondering if it might be a threat to his pack, but eyes that were fixed on me as an individual.
His gaze, which had been scrutinizing me as if receiving information about me through my eyes, finally shifted away, and only then did the surprise at the coincidence that the painting I had recommended was the work of the man in the passenger seat sink in.
“What makes you think this painting would suit me?”
“I… I didn’t know you were the artist.”
“I figured you didn’t. I’m not saying anything about it, I’m just curious why you recommended this painting to me.”
The man in the passenger seat seemed to be enjoying this situation immensely.
“Will you tell me honestly? Please.”
Was he so starved for honest feedback that he even had to add “please”? Behind the man in the passenger seat, who was looking at my lips with his hands clasped together as if in prayer, I took another look at his artwork.
I had been so absorbed in drawing by myself that I had never been curious about other people’s opinions on my art. But when I recalled the single award I had received and the emotions that the comments at the time had given me, I could understand how the man in front of me was feeling.
“It seems like it’s showing everything honestly, but there are things that it’s not…”
“Things that it’s not?”
“It feels somehow similar.”
“To me?”
“Yes.”
“Not honest? Me and this painting?”
The man was bombarding me with questions while leaning in close, and I was inadvertently stepping back.
“It’s a little different from that… It’s like wanting to be honest but not being able to… It’s like that kind of state. In that sense, revealing that state without embellishment could also be seen as a kind of honesty…”
The playfulness disappeared from the face of the man in the passenger seat at my additional explanation, while the director laughed out loud. It was a very brief laugh, but it was definitely a laugh.
“I’m sorry. I’m not good at explaining things… And it’s just a personal impression, so don’t take it too seriously.”
The man in the passenger seat, who seemed momentarily taken aback, then leaned forward and looked at my face more closely with an intrigued expression. He had already returned to his usual lighthearted demeanor.
“What are you doing after work today? I heard you finish at 6.”
It was difficult to keep up with the sudden change in conversation.
“Cleaning up… I have to clean up.”
At my answer, the man, for the first time, wiped away his exaggerated, silly grin and made a disappointed face. Then he nudged the director’s arm, seeking his agreement.
“This is a hard pass, right?”
The director looked at me with a serious expression, as if trying to find the answer to that question on my face. I didn’t avoid his gaze.
What I was facing was a very beautiful color. Forgetting for a moment that it was a person’s eye, I was lost in the living beauty of that color, first admiring the left eye, then the right eye, one by one, slowly.
The next moment, the man’s focus detached from my gaze without any lingering attachment.
“Hard pass or whatever, do you even want to do that to someone ten years younger than you?”
The director clicked his tongue and said that, then turned around and went back to where he had been.
I was thinking, as I ignored the man in the passenger seat who was saying that he knew a place that served the most delicious dumpling soup in Seoul and asking me to make time for him, even if it wasn’t today. Have I ever told the director my age?
○
“Did you really read the editor-in-chief’s book, even underlining it?”
Juhan and I placed half a dozen leftover bottles of champagne from the party on the large conference table in the office. The director opened one of them and poured it into a glass, asking Ms. Han. With a mischievous smile.
“Did you even have time these days? The book hasn’t even been out for two weeks, think about how we’ve been spending those two weeks.”
Ms. Han, who had received the glass from the director and wet her lips, answered while resting her legs, which must have been tired from standing all the time, on the table.
“Then what is it?”
“What is it, Yee hyeon?”
As if she had been wondering about it too, Ms. Han demanded an answer from me.
“I thought it wouldn’t look good if it looked too much like a new book… So I smudged it a bit in the taxi, underlined some parts… folded down a few corners… I did that.”
Strictly speaking, the instructions I had received only went as far as buying the book. But Ms. Han had also mentioned that she was actually reading the book, and I thought it would be embarrassing to hand over a book that had just been bought to get an autograph, so I did it. Now that it had suddenly become a topic of conversation, I became nervous, wondering if I had done something unnecessary that I hadn’t been asked to do.
The atmosphere, which had been cheerful as if celebrating the successful completion of the party and the decent sales figures, froze for a moment. The source of that coldness was, of course, the director. As I had felt yesterday, he had the talent to control the atmosphere with just the angle of his gaze or his expression. It wasn’t just because of his position as the owner that other people had no choice but to read his mood and adjust.
“Didn’t you think that he might be someone who gets angry when his book is treated carelessly? Underlining and folding pages… There are a lot of people who don’t like that.”
Not speaking to me, but just muttering to himself. The director mumbled as he drank his champagne.
“I only thought about making it look like I had actually read it. I’m sorry.”
“Yeehyeon, what are you sorry for? Kun, what’s wrong? Aren’t you going too far?”
Ms. Han slammed her champagne glass on the table with a thud.
“I didn’t say anything, I just asked if he had thought about the opposite side of things.”
He shrugged and avoided Ms. Han’s gaze, pretending to drink his champagne.
I didn’t feel the same cold hostility as yesterday, but his sarcastic attitude remained the same. Ms. Han seemed a little angry. It was a rare occurrence.
“Director Liu is a results-oriented person, a performance-oriented person. Thanks to Yeehyeon, the editor-in-chief’s mood improved and sales went up, so you should be giving her a bonus. Why are you being so argumentative? I brought him here, don’t you like him?”
His eyes slowly turned to me. I didn’t know what kind of personal relationship Ms. Han and the director had, or how close they were, but I could tell that he trusted Ms. Han completely. At least, he didn’t give her a look of annoyance or an evil smile. Not even a mechanical smile armed with a harmful sweetness, like a candy made in a factory.
“What’s there to like or dislike? He’s just someone who’s here to help out for a while. You know I’m uncomfortable working with strangers. I’ll give him a bonus if you tell me to.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. Ugh… I thought you had changed a little, but now I see you’re still the same.”
Shaking her head, Ms. Han finished the remaining champagne and emptied her glass, then checked the time and got up from her seat.
After this, the director and Ms. Han had an after-party with VIPs, even more important VVIPs.
“People don’t change after twenty-five,” the director said, lightly massaging Ms. Han’s shoulders in a playful, coquettish manner, then took out a card from his wallet and handed it to Yuni.
“You worked hard today. Have fun after you finish cleaning up.”
Yuni, who had been organizing the remaining pamphlets, quickly ran over and snatched the card as if grabbing it. Then, with shining eyes, she asked.
“Company card? Director’s personal card?”
He frowned and flicked Yuni’s forehead.
“Why are you guys so obsessed with that? Do you like me spending my money that much?”
“Yes, because it feels like affection.”
“There’s no affection in a personal card either, so don’t talk nonsense.”
The catering-related equipment and leftover food had all been cleaned up and taken back by the company, and the work for today would be over if we just cleaned up the inside and outside a little. I was about to go up to the second-floor exhibition hall to start cleaning up when Juhan hesitated with an apologetic expression and started to speak.
“Our director is… a bit embarrassing, right?”
“Don’t worry too much. He’s not just like that to Yeehyeon, he’s just like that by nature.”
Yuni also added a word.
It seemed like he was being particularly picky with me, but I smiled to mean it was okay and folded the legs of the temporary table that had been set up to the side.
“When I first came here, it was even worse. I was so pissed off that I even thought about scratching his car with a nail and running away. Seriously. Seriously.”
Thinking about his attitude towards Juhan now, it was hard to imagine. But looking at Juhan’s expression, it didn’t seem like a story he had made up to comfort me.
“But I knew that if I did that, he would find me no matter what and make me pay the price… so I gave up on scratching his car with a nail. I thought he would find me, strip me naked, and scratch my whole body with nails.”
Juhan grimaced and shook his shoulders dramatically, as if he had actually received such threats from the director.
“Well… Don’t you think that the fact that you came on to the director in a way that wasn’t even close was a big reason?”
It was Yuni who said that, while attaching “Sold Out” stickers to the works that had been sold today inside the exhibition hall.
“Hey, who came on to who… It’s because of pheromones! How can I refuse golden alpha pheromones!”
“What are you talking about? Why would the director release pheromones in front of you? And you’re a beta.”
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