Watching Liu’s back as he disappeared down the hall where the bedrooms were, Shushu fiddled with the tassel on the vuvuzela before quietly getting up from his seat. He knew the layout of the apartment well. He had stayed here with Liu a few times after Liu had inherited it. This was also the apartment where he had temporarily stayed right after the incident with Hong Sun-woo, until he returned to Seoul.
The door to the master bedroom at the very end of the hall was open by about a handspan. After confirming the sound of a shower running from the en-suite bathroom, Shushu quietly pushed the door open.
The New York nightscape seen through the picture window of the dark bedroom was as stunning as ever. It was so breathtaking that for a moment, all the strength left his body. His steps halted on their own, and a sigh-like gasp of admiration escaped him.
Thanks to its location at the southern end of 5th Avenue, one could appreciate both the powerful presence of the forest of skyscrapers to the left, which seemed to loom right before one’s eyes, and the dynamic, panoramic skyline stretching out beyond Central Park.
Shushu chuckled in the darkness, recalling how In-woo, when the three of them had visited, had muttered with a shocked expression that half the price of this apartment—enough to buy a mansion in any other major international city—must be for the view.
And then, that faint smile gradually stiffened and vanished. It wasn’t hard to imagine how Liu must have felt, wanting to show this night view to Yeehyeon.
With a calm sigh, Shushu placed the envelope he had brought on the long, simply designed desk in front of the picture window, opposite the bed. It was a plane ticket from New York to Paris, booked under the name Liu Weikun.
Liu was a man who could possess anything he wanted through his own power, but even for someone like him, there are moments when encouragement and reassurance from those around him are needed. This was even more true during a time when he felt small in the face of love.
Suddenly, the sound of water from the bathroom stopped. Shushu turned to leave in a hurry but had to pause once more before exiting the room. Here in New York, nearly 7,000 miles from Seoul, hung ‘Isolation’.
After Yeehyeon left for Paris, Liu had never once brought up Yeehyeon’s name himself, and even when others happened to mention it, he showed no reaction. He hadn’t forgotten, but perhaps he had resolved to try. He kept his feelings so hidden that it made one wonder.
But he hadn’t forgotten, nor did he intend to. He just wasn’t the type to complain about his pain or seek advice from others. The devotion he showed by bringing the painting all the way here for a mere one-month business trip said it all.
Feeling something similar to what he’d felt as a child when he accidentally glimpsed a notebook where his father, who had always seemed so big and strong, had written down his very human worries, Shushu lowered his gaze and quickly left the room.
About five minutes later, Liu walked down the hall, his coat draped over his arm, the buttons of his shirt not yet fully fastened.
“It doesn’t have to be a spot where we can see the countdown in Times Square, right? You’ve probably done all that before. Let’s go to Mott Street for the first time in a while, have some lamb skewers and kaoliang wine, and count down to the new year completely wasted. Just like the old days.”
Liu draped his coat over the back of the sofa and, while buttoning his shirt, suggested a trip to Chinatown. Looking up at Liu, who was forcing a cheerful demeanor, Shushu hesitated before speaking with difficulty.
“For a good luck charm… isn’t it a bit too big? Especially to bring all the way to New York.”
“What is.”
Liu glanced over as he fastened the third button.
“Yeehyeon’s painting.”
“……”
His hands slowed for a moment, but pretending to focus only on buttoning his shirt, he said nothing, merely scraping his lower lip with his teeth.
“Yeehyeon released his first works through ‘The Hands’ in the middle of this month.”
Buttoning the last button, Liu looked up at the ceiling and ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. He was making it obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it, but Shushu had no intention of stopping, determined to provoke him into showing his emotions.
“Both pieces sold as soon as they were released. They were that impressive. Much more honest, deeper, and yet the expression was clearer and simpler….”
Liu scratched his eyebrow with his middle finger, then turned and walked to the refrigerator to get a beer.
“Did you, by any chance….”
As Shushu began cautiously, Liu cut him off, taking a sip of beer and setting the can down on the counter with a clack.
“What are you curious about? Whether I ignored Seo Yeehyeon’s decision and effort to test his own potential and bought the paintings myself?”
“……”
Shushu had only said it thinking that Liu would want to own all of Yeehyeon’s works and would be watching over him from afar. But Liu was considering and respecting Yeehyeon with a level of prudence that Shushu couldn’t have fathomed.
“That was thoughtless of me. I’m sorry. But… you knew all about Yeehyeon’s news. You were watching. So why are you acting like it’s not a problem anymore?”
“What on earth do you want to hear from me?”
Liu raised his voice. He paced on the spot, his jaw jutting toward the ceiling in frustration, his disheveled eyes turning to Shushu.
“Do you want to see me break down and cry about how hard it is? What changes if I talk about it to people around me?”
Puffing out his cheeks with a long sigh, Liu ran a hand through the hair he had styled for their outing. He returned to the living room and slumped into the seat across from Shushu.
“I’m sure there are people who overcome things that way. Unfortunately, your friend isn’t that type.”
Liu leaned his head back against the sofa and muttered in a subdued voice.
“Then go see him. Do something. Go and do something, say something, and work it out with Yeehyeon.”
Liu, still leaning back, lowered his eyes and stared blankly at Shushu.
“Everything you said was right.”
He threw out the words without context, then his shoulders shook with laughter, like someone recalling a funny memory from the past. No, it was closer to a self-deprecating, bitter laugh. He wiped his face several times until the laughter had completely faded.
“You said it when we were talking about Hong Sun-woo. That even if I thought you were being foolish and I was worried, that was your way of loving. That you had the right to live your life foolishly.”
“……”
“Actually, it wasn’t just that.”
Liu sat up straight, leaning forward to grab a pack of cigarettes from the corner of the coffee table. The house had been cleaned while he was out and the ashtray was spotless, but Shushu’s eyes caught the several new packs of cigarettes piled under the tabletop.
With a familiar motion, he lit a cigarette and set the lighter down on the table.
“The way you came to terms with your past with Hong Sun-woo in your own way. I wanted him… to accept me in the exact same way you thought about it.”
Liu let out a low, derisive snort, as if mocking his own shallowness for changing his tune as soon as the situation was different. He bit his lip once, then his expression changed.
“The things I said about your love, judging it by my own standards… I’m sorry.”
“……”
Shushu’s eyes widened at the heavy, sincere apology. He shook his head, meaning the apology was unnecessary, but Liu wasn’t looking at him.
With his elbow on his thigh, Liu held the cigarette he seemed to have forgotten about after the first drag and stared intently at the smoke curling up from it. Then, as if describing a vision he saw in the smoke, he opened his mouth, mesmerized.
“When I was in London, I met Hong Sun-woo.”
Looking at Shushu’s unguarded face, which showed only mild curiosity, not yet grasping the meaning of “met,” Liu’s brow furrowed deeply.
“For a few months, we were sleeping together, calling each other whenever we felt like it.”
“Ah…”
Shushu’s lips parted, and a reflexive groan escaped him. He slumped back against the sofa. Liu didn’t try to add any further explanation, allowing him time to process the situation.
It took less time than expected for the initial numbing shock to fade from Shushu’s face and for a calm light to return. Liu stubbed out the barely-smoked cigarette and prepared to continue his confession.
“The reason I tried to stop you when you first introduced me to Hong Sun-woo was….”
“Because he must have approached me with a plan?”
“……”
“And the reason you couldn’t tell me until the end was because of the shock I would have received.”
Picking up the purple hat he had placed beside him, Shushu fiddled with the edge of the brim, lowered his eyes, and smiled.
“You’re right. If I had heard this back then, I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I might have even blamed and attacked you, who did nothing wrong. Back then…”
With the vague smile of someone looking back on their foolish, passionate youth, Shushu paused for a moment.
“Back then, no matter what anyone said, I would have come here with Hong Sun-woo. So… it’s a good thing you didn’t tell me then.”
Feeling a stifling need to say something, Liu opened his lips and drew a breath, but he knew there was nothing more he could say to Shushu, who had already put the past behind him.
“Back then, whether it was out of jealousy that you slept with Sun-woo, or because I didn’t want to believe he’d approached me with an ulterior motive… I would have denied the situation and thrown a fit. But what does it matter now? The reason Hong Sun-woo and I fell apart wasn’t because of your past with him.”
“……”
“People will ultimately define our entire relationship by his initial motive or the fact that he cheated… but the definition I, the person involved, came to is the real story of our relationship.”
Shushu, who had been looking somewhere else as if talking to himself or his past self rather than to Liu, suddenly met his eyes.
“Isn’t that right?”
Liu smiled back silently at Shushu, who asked with a playful lift of his eyebrows. At his friend’s reaction to a confession and apology that had come too late, Liu felt a sense of warmth for the first time in months.
“So, what definition did you come to?”
At Liu’s question, Shushu shrugged and sighed, then placed the hat he’d been fiddling with on his head and stood up.
“You said we should get wasted and count down to the new year like the old days. Let’s go.”
○
Leave a Reply