As he tilted his head to study Yeehyeon’s complexion, his eyes held a suspicion of a different Yeehyeon than usual, but it was still closer to concern. Rather than suspecting that Yeehyeon might have found out about the Changing, it seemed he had settled on the idea that Yeehyeon was feeling severe tension and confusion ahead of his meeting with his father.
“Did something happen?”
His voice, as he slowly stroked the edge of Yeehyeon’s shoulder, was cautious. Just as Yeehyeon had always known Liu to be, every touch of his fingertips and even the question mark at the end of his words was meticulous. To the point that it was impossible to believe this wasn’t all there was to him, everything he directed at Yeehyeon was filled with his sincerity.
Unable to meet his eyes, Yeehyeon, who had been pressing his lips tightly together, brushed his thumb over the warm surface of the mug and opened his mouth.
“The New York branch… it’s because of me, isn’t it?”
Since he didn’t raise his head, he couldn’t see what kind of expression Liu was making. Yeehyeon looked down at the firm wrist connected to the hand on his shoulder. His body, which until just a short while ago he had stroked and caressed as if it were a part of him, now existed with a completely different meaning.
“When everyone who’s known you for a long time found it strange, was shocked, and worried, I should have thought it over at least once…. I guess I… just wanted to believe it, too.”
Just because they had embraced each other’s inner solitude, which they had never shared with anyone, didn’t mean they knew everything about each other. Perhaps he had too easily overlooked the reactions of those who had been by Liu’s side for much longer. A selfish motive had blinded him, making him see what he wanted to see and believe what he wanted to believe.
“That because of me, you were ignoring the conviction that had sustained you, and because of that, you were making those around you worry, losing their trust… and making a choice that distanced you from yourself….”
Yeehyeon took a deep breath to suppress his surging emotions.
“The fact that us being together was making you sick… I must have been scared to face it.”
The hand on his shoulder now gripped him, holding on tight.
“Everyone’s grateful, thinking I’ve lived my life like some ascetic, as if I’d set some great moral goal for myself… and while I can’t say I had no convictions of my own, in the end, business is business to me. I already explained that I just happened to hit it off with some people I met in Chicago, and I judged it to be the right opportunity to open a branch.”
It was a lie. He loved art, fine art, more than anyone. He was merely unafraid to get his hands dirty with the so-called vulgar aspects of the business to ensure his artists’ works received the recognition they deserved; that was completely different from him using art as a means for business.
Yeehyeon raised his head.
“If it’s not because of me, then you’re going to New York by yourself, right?”
Liu’s face hardened viciously. Then, as if to shake off an ominous premonition, he shook his head and composed his expression. Moving his hand from Yeehyeon’s shoulder to his neck, then to his cheek, he caressed him as he slowly scanned Yeehyeon’s face.
“What’s wrong? Did you hear something somewhere? Did someone say something to you? Hm?”
He wanted to believe that only the eyes holding his reflection and the familiar, gentle touch were Liu’s truth. He wanted to close his eyes and ears to any other truth.
But at the same time, a sense of betrayal surged at the man who had built up enough trust to make Yeehyeon want to believe him even after seeing with his own eyes that his body had changed, the man who had been nurturing another truth beyond that high, thick wall.
Yeehyeon shook his head, saying that wasn’t it, and lowered his gaze. He bit his lip. The coffee in the mug was trembling. As if having solidified a decision, when he sharply lifted his head to face Liu, Yeehyeon’s eyes were gleaming.
“The offer from ‘The Hands,’ I’m thinking of considering it.”
Liu’s eyes narrowed. His blue irises shattered into gray, and a short spasm ran across his cheek.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
It was a question that seemed to hope there was some other hidden meaning to the words he’d heard, beyond their literal one.
Yeehyeon turned his shoulders completely toward the table. At the resolute movement, Liu’s hand, which had been wrapped around Yeehyeon’s neck and shoulder, fell limply into the air.
Placing the mug on the table, Yeehyeon gripped the back of the chair tightly with both hands. As Liu moved closer, he could feel his agitation and excitement. A large hand grabbed Yeehyeon’s shoulder and forcibly turned him around to face him.
“No, you can’t do that. You haven’t forgotten that we signed an exclusive contract that included a one-hundred-million-won signing bonus, have you?”
“Even without that money… all the many things I’ve received from you until now… how could I forget?”
Apart from this situation, those words were sincere. He wasn’t considering ‘The Hands’ to punish Liu. It was simply what should have happened from the beginning.
Yuni was right. If they had been in a serious relationship, if they had truly trusted each other, he should have discussed it with Liu when he received the offer from ‘The Hands.’
But deep down, he had been afraid Liu might tell him to go. And even if he decided not to go, he was worried Liu might feel guilty about it. Trying to bury an opportunity he had earned with his own power just to stay by his side had been wrong from the start.
Yeehyeon felt Liu’s heavy sigh on his forehead. In a voice that was forced to be gentle, tense, he shook Yeehyeon’s shoulders.
“That was just something I said because I was flustered, I don’t really mean I’ll use that one hundred million won to stop you from going. You know that.”
“Looking back… I’ve received, and am receiving, so much. To the point that I was surprised, wondering if I was always this shameless of a person…. The person I am now was all made by you. From the clothes I wear, the food I eat, the life I live… to drawing again, and finding comfort for my past… I was leaning on you for everything.”
Because he was in a special situation where he could be pursued by a dangerous person, because he was young and lacked social skills, because Liu had said it was okay and not a burden… he had accepted all the offers until now too easily. He had hesitated, but in the end, it was he himself who had decided to accept the kindness in Liu’s persuasive words.
After another long sigh, Liu placed a hand on his hip, pausing for a moment.
“Leaning on your lover, being comforted, and getting help. What’s so wrong with that? It’s the same for me. I was comforted because I had you, and if I was able to give you something… that’s my happiness. Is that wrong?”
“I didn’t just receive help. Is it… love, to rely on another person for even the minimum rights and responsibilities for oneself?””
“……”
As if searching for the reason for Yeehyeon’s sudden confusion, Liu’s eyes trembled anxiously as they scanned Yeehyeon’s face erratically. Then he moved closer, stroking Yeehyeon’s arm and pleading in a low voice.
“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t go? Hm? That you’d stay by my side?”
I did. Back when I didn’t know you were Changing me into an Omega.
—Yeehyeon imagined shattering Liu’s world in an instant with just a few short words. The emotion was so intense he couldn’t even distinguish whether the violent tremor running through his body at the mere thought was from anger or excitement.
He hadn’t planned on bringing up the Changing today. He had intended to go to Donghae first, to put some physical time and distance between them and calmly sort out his feelings and position. He had been forced to come here because he didn’t think Liu would accept the story about going to see his father unless they spoke face-to-face, but… perhaps it had been impossible to keep all the chaos submerged beneath the surface while looking at his face.
“How many times have we knotted so far?”
“……”
At the sudden change of topic, Liu furrowed his brow and the space between his eyes.
“Ten times? Twenty? There were times we did it two or three times in one night… so maybe fifty, or even seventy times?”
Staring straight into Liu’s eyes as he wet his dry lips with his red tongue, Yeehyeon clutched the stone in his hand that would strike him and make him bleed.
“Yesterday, I was at Inwoo-hyung’s house.”
“……”
Liu stepped back. Rubbing his bluish jaw in the late evening light, he slowly shook his head as if to deny the reality that was closing in.
“Today, I went to the hospital with Hyung.”
Watching him, frozen and unable to say a word, Yeehyeon felt a desire for revenge—a desire to destroy him and cause him pain—violently overwhelm and sweep away his desire to defend and believe in him.
“……They say I’m pregnant.”
Liu’s eyes widened. He staggered forward, lips parted, unable to even make a sound. As if mocking him, the corners of Yeehyeon’s mouth twisted into a cold smile.
“Is this really… the kind of situation you wanted?”
Watching Liu stop, his expression strange, as if he didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed that it wasn’t a pregnancy, Yeehyeon’s lips twisted.
“Did you ever dream of the day you’d have a child through me?”
“……”
“Is that why you tried to make me… into an Omega?”
“I don’t need a child. I never even thought that far!”
Liu shouted desperately. After his protest, he looked at Yeehyeon’s reddened, glaring eyes, then lowered his gaze. As if he couldn’t believe what he himself had done, he wet his lips with his tongue and roughly wiped his face several times. After swallowing dryly, he squeezed his eyes shut, then looked at Yeehyeon again.
“Seo Yeehyeon.”
“……”
A hand reaching for Yeehyeon’s shoulder hesitated in mid-air.
“Yeehyeon-ah.”
It was the voice of a man standing under a collapsing sky. Just like when he had first heard Yeehyeon say he loved him.
Yeehyeon turned his back, avoiding his approaching hand.
“Don’t… call me that.”
Glaring to fight back the damp pressure gathering in his eyes, Yeehyeon strode around the table and turned to face Liu from the far side, at a distance.
“They said it’s 50% complete.”
“No…. There’s no way it’s progressed that far already. At most, it should be around 35%….”
“35%, 50%… what difference does that make!”
Since his mother’s accident, or perhaps since he’d grown up a fair bit, it was the first time he had ever thrown such unfiltered emotions at someone. His head spun after shouting. Yeehyeon ran his hands through his long hair, tangling his fingers in it.
“Right now, I’m nothing. Not a Beta, not an Omega… just….”
After a difficult, dry swallow, he continued with even greater difficulty.
“A monster.”
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