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“That’ll be 156 euros in total.”
“Yes, a receipt, please.”
Yeehyeon replied in French to the clerk who had spoken to him in English. His pronunciation was still quite clumsy, but he was trying his best to speak French whenever he could. The clerk looked at him and smiled brightly, and Yeehyeon returned the smile.
The large art supply store, which handled all sorts of art supplies as well as a wide variety of general stationery, was well-known not just to art students but to the general public. It had four branches in Paris alone. Of those, Yeehyeon mainly used the branch in the Marais district, which was the closest to ‘The Hands’ in the 19th arrondissement. The other artists from ‘The Hands’ did the same.
Though he had frequented the place like a regular for the past two months, the store was so large and had so many clerks working different shifts that he had yet to become a familiar face to all of them.
“Happy New Year (Bonne année)!”
“You too (Vous de même).”
After the pleasant exchange of New Year’s greetings, he took his bag and stepped out of the store. While it was nothing compared to the midwinter cold of Seoul, the Parisian weather on the last day of the year felt quite biting, perhaps because of the wind.
Next to the store’s entrance, Yeehyeon transferred his things into a large backpack, then turned up his coat collar against the wind. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he quickened his pace northward, past a small park on his right. The bookstore and gallery ‘tout,’ which he frequented, was a two-minute walk away.
As he opened the white-rimmed door to ‘tout,’ the warm air inside was the first to relax his hunched shoulders. As was usually the case, the main hall was empty, and the sound of conversation drifted out from the gallery connected to the back of the bookstore counter.
While waiting for someone to come out, Yeehyeon slowly browsed the books. At ‘tout,’ which specialized in art books as well as books related to secondary genders, time would fly by as he thumbed through the various titles.
“How was the last book? Did you finish it already?”
At the bright voice that spoke to him in English with a French accent, Yeehyeon looked up. Beau Beau, who was in charge of the bookstore section of ‘tout,’ was approaching him with his characteristically bright, gentle smile. Yeehyeon smiled back and put down the photo book he had been looking at.
“No, I’ve only read about half, but I’m finding it very interesting. Just as you recommended, Beau Beau, the essays have their own unique qualities.”
“Right? Essays are generally more psychologically accessible. That’s why most people start with essays and then move on to more specialized books. Unlike you.”
Beau Beau smiled meaningfully and pressed his index finger lightly against Yeehyeon’s shoulder. Yeehyeon averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward laugh.
He had started reading books about Alphas and Omegas after coming to Paris. At first, not knowing where or how to begin, he had bought five or six books at a time without much thought. After he had been coming and going like that for about two weeks, Beau Beau had cautiously approached him and asked if he needed any recommendations.
Another month passed. By the time they had exchanged the facts that Yeehyeon was an artist belonging to ‘The Hands’ in the 19th arrondissement and that Beau Beau was an Omega who ran ‘tout’ with his boyfriend, Beau Beau had brought up the story of how he had presented late at the age of 25 and had struggled for a while. His boyfriend was also an Alpha who had presented after the age of 20.
It wasn’t spoken like light chatter, like a conversation about clothes or food preferences, but neither was it in an atmosphere of reluctantly confessing a heavy, important secret.
As it turned out, Beau Beau and his boyfriend ran a group through ‘tout’ called ‘Apparition Tardive (Late Manifestation).’ Seeing Yeehyeon come and go for weeks, devouring books on Alphas and Omegas, they had wondered if he might be an Alpha or Omega struggling with a late presentation. Beau Beau had revealed his own circumstances first to make it easier for Yeehyeon to open up.
“But you know… At this point, why don’t you just admit it?”
Beau Beau, arms crossed, leaned against a pillar next to the display stand and watched Yeehyeon with narrowed eyes. Yeehyeon’s eyes widened slightly as he stroked the cover of the photo book he had just been looking at.
“To say you’re just interested in Alphas and Omegas, you’re digging in way too professionally. There are plenty of Betas who are interested out of curiosity, but it’s rare to see someone dig in with such determination. A Beta with your level of knowledge is probably someone who majored in the subject.”
“I think that’s too much of a compliment.”
Beau Beau, seeing Yeehyeon try to laugh it off as a joke, came closer and nudged him with his broad, crossed-armed shoulder.
“Your lover is an Alpha or an Omega, right? Huh? Or the person you have a crush on is an Alpha or an Omega.”
“…”
After pressing the persistently, ambiguously smiling Yeehyeon a few more times, Beau Beau uncrossed his arms and let out a deep sigh.
“Sigh, it’d be faster to hear my dog call me Papa.”
Watching Beau Beau’s back as he turned and headed for the counter, seemingly having given up on getting an answer, Yeehyeon let out a silent, wry smile.
“You little brat. Don’t use your pretty smile as a weapon.”
Yeehyeon approached Beau Beau, who had spun around to glare at him, and rummaged through his backpack to pull out a small, ribbon-decorated frame.
“I… just stopped by to give you this. It’s a New Year’s gift.”
As if he had received a truly unexpected gift, Beau Beau stared down at the frame, speechless with a small touch of emotion, then reached over the counter to gently pat Yeehyeon’s cheek.
“It’s not a fancy gift, so I feel a bit bad…”
“What are you talking about? Who knows how much this painting will be worth later on.”
Yeehyeon let out a chuckle at Beau Beau’s antics as he deliberately put on a serious face, held the frame out at arm’s length, and squinted as if appraising the painting.
After a round of thank yous, bisous, and a hug, Beau Beau insisted on giving Yeehyeon the photo book he had been flipping through earlier as a gift, despite his refusals.
Then, he followed Yeehyeon to the door and, with a rare, hesitant, and deliberate expression, held out a small card.
“Yeehyeon, I haven’t suggested it until now because you didn’t seem keen, but if you’re okay with it, come to the meeting sometime. We use the name ‘Late Manifestation’ to convey our core message, but as you know, our ultimate goal is to encourage interest and understanding of all other genders in everyone. Thankfully, our activities have borne fruit, and the number of Betas in the group is on the rise. Whether you’re a Beta, an Alpha, or an Omega, as long as you have a sincere interest in genders other than your own, you’re always welcome.”
“…”
Yeehyeon took the card he was offered. He wet his lower lip with his tongue, then bit down on it gently. He couldn’t give any definite answer right now, so he just stared at the card.
Beau Beau patted Yeehyeon’s shoulder. Yeehyeon put the card in his coat pocket and gave him a closed-mouth smile.
“Bonne année.”
“Bonne année.”
After another still-awkward bisou, Yeehyeon stepped out onto the windy street and this time, headed further north toward the metro station.
From 5 p.m. on December 31st to noon on January 1st, all public transportation in Paris—the metro, buses, trams, and RER—was free to use. Even without that, the last day of the year was bound to be crowded in any city in the world.
Inside the more crowded-than-usual subway car, Yeehyeon found a spot by the inner door and stood, taking out his phone to message Yuni. He sent a message saying he would arrive at the meeting spot within 30 minutes, and a reply came back almost immediately. It said she had already arrived and was having coffee at a nearby café.
Yeehyeon leaned his head against the glass of the door, which reflected nothing of the scenery outside, only the faint images of the people inside the car. A smile escaped him as he pictured her, having arrived 30 minutes early, nervously downing coffee after coffee.
Today, the last day of the year. He was on his way to Saint-Philippe du Roule station to see the New Year’s countdown event at the Arc de Triomphe with Yuni and her friend, Michelle. As Michelle had suggested, they planned to have dinner near Rue La Boétie, which was relatively less crowded, before heading onto the Champs-Élysées.
Michelle was four years older than Yuni and five years older than Yeehyeon. She was an Indian-British Parisian who had been living in Paris for ten years. She worked for a mid-sized designer brand with a fair amount of recognition in France and Europe, and she was one of the frequent visitors to ‘The Hands’ gallery.
Yuni and Michelle, who had met as a gallerist and a visitor and grown close, had started meeting outside the gallery with rapidly increasing frequency in the last two to three weeks. Watching the pleasant carefulness with which they treated each other, one could naturally sense that they didn’t just see each other as friends.
Yeehyeon didn’t want to be a clueless third wheel between them, but Yuni, who had begged him to come along, still seemed worried about spending New Year’s alone with Michelle.
Watching the two of them made him think that perhaps he and Liu should not have missed this stage. The stage of cautiously growing closer, harboring feelings for each other.
The order of events was just a kind of manual, not a guideline that had to be followed absolutely, and he had never felt a lack of understanding, interest, or connection with Liu during their relationship… but if they had grown closer little by little, through a stage like this, then perhaps… perhaps they would have had the temporal and emotional leeway to explain their situations and the expectations they had for each other, and to consider those explanations… He couldn’t help but have such thoughts.
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