After drawing alone every day, I wanted to go to an art academy around the 4th grade of elementary school. My parents immediately registered me. But once I started going, it wasn’t much fun.
I wanted to know how to express the subjects I wanted to draw the way I wanted, but most of the time, we ended up playing around by putting paint on our palms and stamping them on sketchbooks, or kids just fooling around with water and brushes in water containers.
After a week, I declared that I didn’t want to go anymore. My parents didn’t ask anything and said I didn’t have to go. Of course, I couldn’t get back the remaining three weeks of the month’s tuition that had already been paid. I didn’t realize at the time how generous that measure was for my parents, given our family’s financial situation.
And then, a teacher came to my house to draw with me.
A magician. A wizard.
He not only taught me how to transfer the world I saw onto drawing paper, but also how to see the world through the eyes of an artist.
Lessons with Ms. Han were like exciting adventures. The trivial surroundings that I thought I already knew so well were transformed into lively pop-up cards that you exchange on Christmas.
I drew the twisted roots of a tree protruding from the soil, not just a tree. I drew the shadow of the house next door cast on the wall of my house, not just a house. The world was full of things to draw, and even the things I saw today would be new tomorrow.
I drew with Ms. Han for about a year. Looking back now, I think he probably quit teaching when he graduated from college and left for Hong Kong. That was already ten years ago.
Hyung and Morae seemed worried that I might be touching the past whenever I saw Ms. Han, but the past I recalled when I saw Ms. Han was a more distant past. A time when the world was full of adventure and mystery.
“Ah, I feel alive after getting something in my stomach.”
After emptying the 12 pieces of sushi neatly arranged in the rectangular lunch box, Ms. Han put down his wooden chopsticks and leaned loosely against the back of the chair.
“Things kept popping up, so I only had a roll of kimbap around 3 o’clock and have been starving ever since.”
Ms. Han smiled embarrassedly and explained to me, who was stuffing my mouth full of sushi with a texture I had never tasted before.
“Take your time eating. I’m sorry I can only give you food from a store.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve never had such delicious sushi before.”
Today was the fifth day since I accepted the offer and started going in and out of Ms. Han’s house. The saying that he was so busy that he might go out wearing mismatched shoes wasn’t an exaggeration. Only today was I able to see Ms. Han’s face for the first time.
He hadn’t completely finished work even now. He had to stop by the house to pick up some materials, so he took care of dinner while he was here, and after the meal, he had to go back to the gallery. It was already almost 11 o’clock.
“Did you… not go to college?”
Ms. Han asked in a cautious tone, twisting the cap off a bottle of mineral water.
“Yes.”
“What about drawing? Do you still draw?”
“No…”
When I first recognized Ms. Han’s face, the first emotion that came to mind was joy, but immediately following that was the feeling of guilt for not drawing.
What I learned from Ms. Han was not technique, but the ‘gaze’ itself when drawing. The excitement and pure immersion of that time, when it felt like a new world had opened up, that feeling was still faintly present in my body, so the feeling of guilt was also great. My gaze naturally turned downward.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeehyeon-ah, don’t do that. What do you have to be sorry about? I was just wondering how you’ve been doing. I haven’t picked up a brush in a while either.”
Ms. Han said that in a light tone, as if it really meant nothing, and tilted the water bottle to drink.
“That’s a shame. I liked your paintings.”
“I liked your paintings too.”
This time, he looked at me and smiled a little mischievously. I smiled back, feeling awkward.
“That’s how it is in life. Situations change, and people change depending on the situation. In my case, I didn’t quit against my will. I was just so tired of everything at the time that I wanted to throw myself into a new situation. A place where everything from A to Z is new. Working at the gallery suited me and was rewarding, so I settled down there. I’m very satisfied now. It’s the same with other arts and sports, but only a few people with real talent are recognized as artists, and the rest either work their butts off on the fringes of art, or just feel good about pretending to be artists… it’s easy to end up like that, right? If I had kept drawing, I would have been an artist who held exhibitions with my own money and had my acquaintances buy my work. I have no regrets.”
Ms. Han’s words had a light aftertaste. He was sincere.
But I couldn’t say that I had no regrets or lingering feelings, that I had sorted things out so neatly. So I kept my mouth shut and cast a meaningless gaze at the two remaining pieces of sushi.
“The gallery I’m at is growing rapidly. For the first few years, I only worked hard to build a foundation and didn’t see any results… so it was a bit psychologically difficult, but now that things are starting to move, it’s physically tiring but so much fun. It’s the same here, you have to row when the water comes in. There are three more exhibitions scheduled for the next month, so I’ll be busy like this until the end of next month. I’m glad I met you. Otherwise, I would have been stressed even after coming home.”
Ms. Han ruffled his stylishly cut hair as if the thought alone was terrible.
“I’m not doing much.”
“Coming home to a place that’s all cleaned up. Everything in its place. That’s more than enough.”
There was no need to cook or do laundry. I didn’t even know how to cook. My job was tidying up and cleaning. It was a large house with many large and small decorations and paintings, so it took some time, but there was nothing difficult or complicated about it. I was glad if I was actually helping Ms. Han with this much effort.
“Once the exhibitions we’re working on are over, let’s take our time and talk. I want to go there too. What happened in Bali?”
In case someone tried to find us through Ms. Han, I had roughly explained our situation to him.
“Yes, let’s definitely go together next time. It’s fun.”
We each ate one of the two pieces of sushi I had left, and then we got up from the table.
“I’ll give you a ride on the way to the gallery. Let’s go together.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll clean this up and then go. I can take the bus.”
Ms. Han checked the time on his wristwatch and lightly pinched my cheek across the table.
“Let’s clean up together and then go in my car. The bus time is cutting it close.”
Before I could refuse, one of Ms. Han’s two cell phones, which had been placed on the table, rang loudly.
“Sorry, is it loud? I keep the ringtone loud in case I miss an important call. Just a moment.”
While Ms. Han turned slightly away and answered the call, I hurriedly began to clear the table. The disposable containers made it easy to clean up.
“Yeah. Why? Mr. Yoon? …Ha… Why is that old man always so obsessed with such useless things? Yuni, can you… No, you’re setting up the display right now. Okay, I’ll talk to Mr. Yoon, so just ignore the phone from now on and focus on the display… Yeah, I’ll take responsibility.”
Even before I quit drawing, I didn’t know anything about the inner workings of the art world or how galleries operated. But judging from Ms. Han’s lifestyle, it didn’t seem like an easy place.
It sounded like another problem had broken out at the gallery. I rinsed the lunch box containers with water, thinking that it was fortunate that he had at least finished his meal.
“Yeehyeon-ah, what should I do? Something came up at the office, so I think I need to go in a hurry. I’m sorry I said I’d give you a ride first. Take a taxi instead. Okay?”
I turned my head towards Ms. Han, shaking off the water from the rinsed containers in front of the sink. As if it were a habit, Ms. Han had one hand on his hip and was fiddling with his eyebrows with the other, biting his lip. His gaze suddenly shifted and turned towards me. His face showed a faint expectation.
“You said you don’t have moving work tomorrow, right?”
I awkwardly nodded, holding the containers in my hand. Ms. Han strode over and grabbed my wet hand.
“Yeehyeon-ah, please save me. No, please save our kids.”
○
Gallery Phantom.
The gallery with the somewhat grandiose name was located halfway up the hill leading to Mount Bukak, behind the Hanok Village. The site wasn’t very large, but it was a fairly large two-story building compared to the other charming buildings in the area.
I had heard Ms. Han explain the general situation on the way here, and he said that the tasks I would be assigned were simple tasks that didn’t require any special know-how, so there was nothing to worry about. However, as I followed Ms. Han through the heavy front door that exuded a cool image, I wasn’t sure if I, an outsider and a novice, could be of any help.
“Just do what the staff tells you to do. I haven’t seen you in 10 years, but just looking at your ability to manage my house tells me everything. Even a beginner can do the simple labor, so don’t worry. Okay?”
Ms. Han lightly patted my back as we passed through the small hall with a high ceiling right in front of the entrance and climbed the stairs leading to the second floor.
The stairs were wide and made of an elegant ivory-colored material that was almost white. So much so that I was careful even stepping on them.
“Manager! Mr. Yoon is now…”
“I’ll take care of Mr. Yoon from now on. Here. The gift I brought.”
“……”
Ms. Han put me in front and pushed me forward a step, holding my shoulders from behind. The other person, who suddenly faced me at close range, just looked up at me without saying a word. Her expression showed that she didn’t understand the situation. My situation wasn’t much different.
As soon as I entered the second floor, several spaces divided by partition walls appeared, and works hanging on the walls were glimpsed beyond corners that twisted in different directions like a small maze.
The space was uniformly white to the point of being pathological. The partition walls on which the paintings hung were white, and even the floor was the same light ivory color as the stairs. The structural ceiling, which was raised high above the partition walls with space in between, was also the same.
In that white space, only the person standing in front of me was all black.
Her short black hair, which seemed to have been dyed to look even darker, a blouse with puffed shoulders, training pants that didn’t match the blouse at all, the slippers she was wearing, and the glasses with exaggerated frames. Everything was black.
From a natural posture, I looked down at the top of the other person’s head. She was petite and small, but the image she conveyed was intense. Even the pupils looking at me through the lenses were black with clean edges. A gaze without hostile or friendly filters was asking about my identity.
“This is a friend who’s helping me look after my new house, the one I told you about before. I asked him to help out at the gallery just for today. He’s good at everything, so he’ll be helpful.”
That was Ms. Han’s answer to her unspoken question. She shrugged her shoulders, turning her gaze away from me.
“It’s better to have even one more person. Manager, please take care of Mr. Yoon quickly. My phone is about to explode.”
“Okay, I’ll go and take care of it right now. Where did Juhan go?”
“He went down to get the work from Zone C.”
That was it. The woman with the short black hair returned to the place where she had been working, and Ms. Han hurriedly left the gallery to resolve the trouble with the person named Mr. Yoon. Ms. Han seemed to be overconfident in my social skills.
The woman, who was cutting with scissors at a temporary workbench, glanced at me and said quickly.
“I’m sorry to ask you this as soon as we meet, but I’m a bit busy right now, so I’ll ask you for a favor right away. Can you go to the basement and help move the artwork? If you open that door and go down the stairs, there’s a bundle of firewood struggling in the warehouse. Ask him and help him.”
It didn’t seem like a situation to be hesitant and awkward. As instructed, I opened the white door with the sign ‘STAFF ONLY’ and went inside. I went down the narrow stairs and found the warehouse right in the basement.
The thick steel door with security devices was wide open, so there was no need to wander around to find the person she had told me about.
In the large space, which was all white like the upper floor, I could easily find a man dressed in black from head to toe, just like her.
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