Morae, Han, Yuni, Juhan, Ms. Han, and the CEO. Even Inwoo. They were all shining people. People who filled their lives with their own convictions and passions.
I was surrounded by their abundant light, but I myself was dried-up mud, unable to nurture even a single blade of grass.
That was the result of me ‘choosing nothing.’ The realm of shadows I perceived with open eyes.
I took another sip of coffee. I took a long, deep breath as if to refresh my mood. It wasn’t a problem that would change by dwelling on it for a long time.
I closed the posting I was looking at and instead brought up the illustration program on the screen. The work, using only two colors, black and white, was the result of a week of brief study and research.
It was obvious, but I had almost no social weapons to speak of. At Phantom, all I could do was assist with delivering sold works, move heavy luggage, and provide simple visitor guidance when others were away or busy—mostly just miscellaneous tasks.
I thought I should at least learn the basics of Illustrator or Photoshop, so I borrowed a laptop from the manager and bought a few books recommended by Yuni and Juhan. There were also video lectures included, so I was able to quickly learn very basic functions, but it wasn’t yet at a level that would be helpful for work.
But just because it wasn’t helpful now didn’t mean I could stay stuck updating customer address books, organizing returned mail, cleaning, and driving. I needed to be more helpful. I wanted to be.
An everyday life that continued even if I did nothing was something I had given up on myself, ever since that rainy dawn when I crossed the threshold of the gate, leaving my father behind.
“What’s this, Seo Yeehyeon, studying illustration these days?”
Someone placed a hand on my right shoulder from behind and peeked over my left shoulder. It was Juhan.
I was embarrassed by my clumsy work under his gaze as he took off his sunglasses and looked at the screen, but I didn’t try to hide it.
“Oh? Is this a draft for an advertisement?”
Yuni sat on the stool next to me and tilted the laptop closer to her.
We had voluntarily decided to come to work on Saturday to reduce the workload on Monday. Yuni wanted to buy some plants to decorate the gallery, so we planned to meet here, stop by the flower market, and then move to Phantom. I didn’t expect them to arrive 20 minutes earlier than the agreed time.
Showing my shortcomings to others was as nerve-wracking as showing my drawings to others.
“It’s not really… just practicing what I’ve learned…”
“Not bad… it’s even more surprising that you’ve produced this much with basic skills.”
Yuni patted me on the shoulder and said in a nonchalant tone. It didn’t sound like she was just saying it.
These days, all of Phantom’s work was focused on preparing for Shushu’s solo exhibition, which had been moved up a week ahead of schedule.
Shushu was Phantom’s main artist, so it was decided to place an advertisement for the exhibition in an art magazine, and Yuni and Juhan had to create the ad draft while working on other projects.
It wouldn’t be of much help, but it was an idea I squeezed out to practice the skills I had learned. I felt like I had to do something.
“You’ve done some research on Shushu, haven’t you?”
Juhan chuckled as he tapped my shoulder.
“The outline is clear, which is good. Overall, the colors are simple, but the image is dynamic, which is exactly the style of the artist’s work. We could use this as is. Is that okay?”
Yuni pointed to the flexible, wave-like part made up of black letters with the tip of her index finger.
“I’d be grateful if you would…”
“Thanks, Seo Yeehyeon. You’ve taken some work off our hands. Should I send it to my email now?”
While Yuni opened an internet window to access her email, Juhan left his seat for a moment to order drinks.
I was relieved that it was helpful, but I felt dazed. I fiddled with my coffee cup and waited for Yuni to finish her work.
The front of the bar was a full window, so I could see the street on a Saturday afternoon. Sitting in a place like this and watching people made it feel unreal, like watching TV. Because the surrounding environment had changed so quickly in the last month or two, I often didn’t feel like my current life was real.
The feeling was similar to the day I first went to Phantom, when I took a taxi to go home after work, and I thought that if I went back to that spot, Phantom would disappear…
‘It was all a dream, Seo Yeehyeon. Please return to reality,’ as if someone would grab me by the scruff of the neck.
“Oh? You were looking at the Old Future website?”
I could feel a little relieved by Yuni’s face as she smiled at me while saying that. It was still reality. At least for now.
“Yes, the website has a lot of diverse content, so I spent a lot of time looking around. Oh, Yuni, there’s a pair of pants I want to buy from Old Future… this one.”
I found the thumbnail of the pants I had looked at earlier on the Old Future site and showed it to Yuni.
“Could I give the money directly to you and have you buy it for me?”
“What, are you trying to repay me for the gift?”
“No. Well, not entirely, but… I saw it and thought it was pretty.”
Yuni pressed her eyebrow piercing and laughed at my strange answer, which was neither yes nor no.
“You can do that, but… you can just sign up and pay for it yourself.”
“My phone… isn’t in my name. I tried to do it, but I couldn’t sign up.”
“It’s not in your name? Then? In this day and age, it’s going to be really inconvenient if your phone isn’t in your own name.”
Juhan, who had returned after ordering, placed the buzzer on the bar and naturally joined the conversation.
“It’s like a ghost phone…”
Even if I couldn’t become an employee of Phantom, I wanted to continue my relationship with Yuni and Juhan. But since we had even become colleagues working at the same gallery, I expected that I would have to give them a rough explanation of my current situation someday, even if I couldn’t tell them everything.
It would be impossible not to feel that I was in an unusual situation if we saw each other every day and spent time together.
“A ghost phone? Why are you using a ghost phone?”
Juhan lowered his voice and pulled his stool closer to me.
“It’s not just about me, so I can’t go into detail, but… the Hyung and Noona I lived with before moving to the manager’s house… we almost ran away from our original village. So…”
“The three of you ran away?”
Juhan’s long, narrow eyes became even more squinted.
“Yes.”
“That’s a unique escape. Two men and one woman?”
“Yes.”
“Are those two a couple?”
This time, I just nodded in response, and Juhan nudged me with his elbow and smiled slightly lewdly.
“Wow… Seo Yeehyeon has no tact.”
“Would he have jumped into a couple’s relationship without a second thought? There must be more to it than that.”
Yuni thought of it that way, which was nice… but maybe I’m just a tactless kid, as Juhan said.
I know that Morae and Han wouldn’t have thought of me that way. But regardless of how they felt, looking at the situation itself so far, it was true that I had gone through a time where there was no excuse for being called a ‘tactless kid’.
“So that’s why you couldn’t sign a contract as a full-time employee.”
Yuni rested her chin on her hand and tapped her lip piercing with her finger, nodding as if she finally understood.
Because of this situation, it was dangerous to work in a way that left records that could be searched by the National Tax Service or anywhere else. As a result, I couldn’t write a formal employment contract, so I worked at the moving company for a little less per diem than others. There were occasional similar cases in daily work, and the foreman, who was also my employer, had seen a lot of different people, so he hired me without asking too many questions. I was lucky.
But I didn’t expect Phantom’s CEO, who was said to be picky about people, to try to hire me even knowing my situation.
That night, at the manager’s dining table, I thought that the offer of employment was because he didn’t know my situation yet. If he found out that I couldn’t be registered as a regular employee to receive expense processing, and that I could get caught up in troublesome things, he would cancel the offer and try to back out.
But the manager, who had spoken with him, explained the conditions I had been offered, saying that he had agreed to work without registering me as a regular employee until the situation improved. Considering my situation, it was a good enough offer.
Even if there was another reason for his decision that I didn’t know about, even if it later became my weakness, I was grateful for his decision for now.
Right now, I was greedy to become a part of Phantom and work, and I wanted to seize the opportunity even if it meant taking risks.
“But I’ve seen you in a new light, Seo Yeehyeon. I thought you were just a diligent young man who grew up with a good upbringing, but you’re a troublemaker using a ghost phone. But well… you’re not running away after committing a crime or anything, are you?”
I burst out laughing and shook my head at Juhan, who was chewing on the end of the green straw. He smiled sheepishly, as if he was embarrassed to have asked that.
“I’m curious about what happened, but you look like you’re going to be very tight-lipped, so I won’t ask.”
Yuni playfully put her arm around my shoulder.
“There’s a reason why you, who seem like a god of non-desire, get along so well with us, who are gods of material desire. You can’t be a member of Phantom without a story. Hmm.”
This time, Juhan placed his hand on my shoulder with a heavy force.
He spoke as if I was also a person who belonged in that realm, a person who was qualified to belong, but that was only because they were people who, despite having light, did not draw a line between themselves and others with it; it wasn’t that I was qualified.
The buzzer on the bar vibrated loudly. Yuni frowned at the unpleasant noise and quickly picked up the buzzer.
“Let’s get our drinks and leave right away. We need to get up if we’re going to stop by the market and then go to the office. It’ll be about the same time as the CEO’s arrival at the gallery, right?”
This place, where Phantom had not disappeared, was still my reality.
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