“Perhaps it’s because you’re honest, at least in front of a painting, that you’re so good at recognizing the sincerity the artist has melted into it, whether intentionally or unconsciously. It’s true that, like literature or music, the more you study art, the more you see, and the breadth and depth of your interpretation expand and deepen accordingly… but the limitation of seeing a painting only as an object of academic analysis is something that can’t be solved by studying alone. That’s what I think, anyway.”
I looked up at Inwoo. Having relaxed his upper body, he was leaning loosely against the chair. He let out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his neck as if embarrassed by his long, serious speech. Perhaps his transformation wasn’t limited to just his art.
Everyone was moving forward somewhere. While he had been frozen in the form twisted by his accident and trauma, afraid of change, the people who had made different choices were absorbing even the shock and deformation, taking them in as nourishment.
To them, a wound was a mark of character. Just as Liu had said….
But a wound could not become a mark of character on its own, without a price. It was a radiance granted only to those who had faced their wounds with their own strength and passed through the time of pain with their entire being, holding nothing back.
I bit my lower lip hard, the taste of alcohol lingering on it.
“I appreciate you thinking that, but….”
The strength of the whiskey Liu often drank reminded me of his kisses. We had shared a deep kiss just this morning before he left, but now it felt as distant and hazy as a memory from a past life.
Yeehyeon tightened his grip on the glass and the bite on his lip, then stared intently at the ice in the glass and continued.
“You can’t say that someone who gave up on painting himself… is honest in front of a painting.”
“But you’re painting again. You couldn’t let go of it completely. That’s what’s important.”
As soon as Inwoo finished speaking, Yeehyeon mercilessly drained his entire glass, passing a firm, unforgiving judgment on himself.
“Thankfully… I was able to start painting again. With someone else’s help.”
As if trapped in a labyrinth where he would always end up back where he started no matter how many corners he turned or how hard he ran, the thought that he couldn’t escape a conversation that led back to Liu made Yeehyeon smile bitterly and get up from his seat. He retrieved the shopping bag he had left on the sofa, returned, and placed it on the table, pushing it slightly toward Inwoo.
“This is….”
“……”
Inwoo’s slightly widening eyes asked what was inside.
“It’s a Starbucks city tumbler. I bought this one in Chicago, and this one… in Boston….”
Yeehyeon’s hands and words suddenly slowed as he took out the two tumblers one by one to explain. He let out a soft laugh and swept a hand over his face.
“I should have at least wrapped it. I don’t have much sense….”
“Looking at your choice of tumblers, you have great sense. For a Starbucks city tumbler, this is quite pretty. I didn’t expect you to get one from Boston, too. You two must not have had enough time to spend… just the two of you. Thank you. To be honest… I didn’t really expect anything, since I thought you might not remember.”
Holding the orange tumbler from Boston, Inwoo turned it this way and that as if admiring it, a very faint smile on his thoughtful face.
In Boston, when I had said I wanted to stop by Starbucks for a moment to buy Inwoo’s gift. The frown that had creased Liu’s brow, revealing his jealousy, and his whining tone, like a little boy’s. And the feel of his arms pulling at my waist as he hugged me from behind, distracting me while I chose the tumbler, and the warmth of his body against my back… all came rushing back with just the tumbler before me.
But that, too, like this morning’s kiss, felt like the experience of a fictional character from a movie or a novel, skimming the periphery of my senses without any real connection.
From Inwoo’s reaction, the way he had unconsciously slowed his speech at the phrase ‘just the two of you,’ Yeehyeon could sense it. Inwoo must have already guessed that his sudden call today was related to Liu.
Well, it was true. If you took Liu out of the equation of his life these days, what would be left? It was a simple matter that didn’t require any great deduction.
Looking back now that he had been forced to a stop, not only his day-to-day life but also matters related to the grand design of his life were all tied to Liu.
The fact that another person’s influence held sway over his entire life.
The fact that with him, and without him, everything… from the immediate necessities of life to the distant direction of his life, literally everything changed.
Could he confidently call that love? Wasn’t it dependence, entrustment?
Wasn’t he loving in the way he had feared most, like his father’s love, which had turned its back on the world after losing his mother? To shake off a new fear, like the subtle vibration a person standing on a beach feels in their gut from a tsunami that began in the distant sea, Yeehyeon swallowed more alcohol.
“When we were in Boston, there was this really cool Starbucks near Ellen and Marcus’s house. It felt less like a franchise coffee shop and more like a unique, traditional local café…. Oh, do you know Ellen and Marcus, by any chance? You probably do, right? Since you’ve been friends with the CEO for a long time…. They’re really wonderful people, and when I visited….”
“Yeehyeon-ssi.”
Leaning forward from the backrest, Inwoo placed a large hand on the table and stopped Yeehyeon’s uncharacteristic chattering.
“I won’t ask anything, so you don’t have to force yourself to talk. Of course… if you want to talk, I’ll always listen.”
“……”
Yeehyeon’s gaze, which had been on Inwoo, slanted down toward the table.
From the moment he had selected Inwoo’s name from his contact list, he had, in fact, intended to ask for his help. He had planned to diffuse the impact of the shock onto him. But he had been delaying it, afraid of making it a foregone conclusion… because it was clear he would suffer even greater damage in the process of confirming the truth.
Licking his lips with the whiskey, which still felt strong and not yet sufficiently diluted, Yeehyeon fixed his eyes not on Inwoo but on the glass and opened his mouth as if possessed, as if someone else were controlling him.
“Today, Shushu-jakganim came to the house.”
“……”
“I think he came because he had something to say to the CEO, but his schedule was packed until Friday, so he was out today, too. I had some time before I went to meet my Noona and Leehan, so we waited together ….”
As he tried to say the words he had heard from Shushu out loud, a hollow laugh escaped him. He felt like a child about to tell a nonsensical story… about meeting an alien or having a conversation with his toy doll.
To him, who had lived his life conscious only of a world made of Betas, with little connection to ordinary Alphas or Omegas, let alone a Golden Alpha, ‘the ability of a Ghost to turn a Beta into an Omega’ was more illogical than a conversation with a doll, closer to a legend or a ghost story.
Yeehyeon rubbed his face with his free hand as if to crush it, then propped his chin on the table.
“Do you know, hyung?”
Not knowing how to continue, he changed direction and threw a question at Inwoo. With his chin propped heavily on his hand as if to support a collapsing body, his gaze lowered, Yeehyeon looked exhausted.
“Phantom, Ghost…. The reason the CEO is obsessed with those words.”
“……”
The line of Inwoo’s mouth hardened, while his eyes, in contrast, wavered unstably. Seeing this, Yeehyeon’s eyes narrowed. An ominous, chilling, unbelievable premonition seemed to freeze his entire body. Someone was mercilessly lashing a whip across his frozen form. His breathing instantly became ragged, enough to make his shoulders heave, and though he swallowed dryly and wet his lips with his tongue, his mouth felt gritty, as if filled with sand.
He had asked if he knew, but it was only a question in form. He had never imagined he would receive a response confirming it.
“Then… did you… know about the other thing… too?”
The hand holding the glass, the lips forming the ominous premonition into words, were trembling against his will.
Inwoo’s face, which opened as if to say something he couldn’t bring himself to admit, then immediately clamped shut as if he wouldn’t say a single word related to the question, his gaze falling tragically. That itself was the answer.
“I see you probably knew.”
It wasn’t a calculated action. He simply couldn’t bear it. To breathe, to live, he shot up from his seat.
Even the place he had sought out, needing somewhere to hide, catch his breath, and regroup, was in fact enemy territory. It seemed as though he was surrounded by people who knew Liu’s secret, so much so that he wondered how he had gone on without knowing until now. The threat and the crisis were right at his fingertips. Just behind the smiles of kind and gentle people.
How easily a peaceful daily life could be shattered, what a fragile glass floor it was… he thought he had learned that sufficiently from his mother’s accident, that he was being overly cautious of it… but… once life decided to be malicious, there was no such thing as sufficient preparation.
Without a thought for his bag or jacket, without any plan of what to do, simply for the sake of survival, Yeehyeon left the table and walked quickly, roughly, toward the front door.
“Yeehyeon-ssi, Yeehyeon-ssi!”
Halfway down the hall to the entrance, Inwoo grabbed Yeehyeon’s arm forcefully. As he was forcibly spun around, Inwoo’s face was desperate, but he didn’t want to let his heart soften at such a thing. He wanted to become hard, cruel. Dropping his gaze straight to somewhere around his chest, Yeehyeon bent at the waist. He pushed against his stomach.
“This might sound like an excuse, but I only found out recently, too. Yeehyeon-ssi, please… just listen to me. I know you probably can’t stand the sight of Weikun or me right now… but if you really hate it, I’ll be the one to leave… so just… don’t try to leave here. Huh? Where are you going to go if you leave now?”
His arm ached from the force of Inwoo’s grip as he tried to pull him up by both arms, but Yeehyeon couldn’t even register the pain.
When he had heard from Shushu that Liu was changing his body into an Omega’s with his own special ability. At that time… there had been an instinctive shock, but he couldn’t grasp the reality of it. But Inwoo’s reaction, right before his eyes, had transformed that story, which had seemed like a vague, circulating ghost story, into a reality happening to his own body.
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