He had thought of everything and anything over the past two months.
Though, if you could call them thoughts, they were mostly fantasies of returning to a point in the past and making a different choice. And as is usually the case with such fantasies, the ending was always hazy and blurred.
The one thing he had learned with his entire being, investing a full two months, was this.
That even if he used hypotheticals to erase a past choice and write a new one in its place, he could never be certain it would have led to a better outcome.
As the subway train pulled into the platform at Saint-Philippe du Roule station, Yeehyeon straightened up from where he had been leaning, hoisted his backpack once, and stepped off the train, swept along by the crowd. The exit signs in the Paris Métro were unhelpful, but thanks to the directions Yuni had sent him beforehand, he was spared the trouble of coming out the wrong exit and having to search his map app again.
About halfway to the café where they were supposed to meet, he ran into Yuni in front of a photo studio. She was already well-known among ‘The Hands’ staff and exhibition visitors for her unique style that suited her so well, but it seemed she had put in a little more effort than usual for the special day.
Since they had left ‘The Hands’ at different times, this was the first they were seeing each other today. Her face a mix of nervousness and excitement, she linked her arm through Yeehyeon’s, who had his hands thrust in his coat pockets, and hunched her shoulders.
“Ugh, I’m going to freeze to death trying to look good.”
The two of them turned into an inner alley, talking about the chilly weather and wondering if Paris had a weather jinx like Korea, where the temperature would suddenly drop on the day of the college entrance exams.
Just as the sign for the café came into clear view, they spotted Michelle walking toward them from the opposite direction, waving her hand. As befitting a designer, she too was dressed stylishly.
Yuni, who enjoyed challenging herself with bold designs, and Michelle, who favored a minimalist style, created a strangely harmonious atmosphere, even though they seemed like they wouldn’t match. It wasn’t the kind of harmony that followed a well-known, obvious formula, but an interesting and unexpected accord.
When they spotted each other, their faces lit up and their eyes sparkled. Seeing it in others, he thought he understood better why people say you can’t hide love.
He must have been like that, too. He knew the feeling. The stir your body makes before your head even registers it, the moment the other person comes into view. Just feeling good, so good that… the sensations of having to make an effort to slow his quickening pace, to keep his smile from spreading too wide.
Yeehyeon, pretending to feel the cold, tucked his chin into his coat collar and bit his lip gently to erase his wry smile.
The café Michelle had recommended was located a little ways into a side street off the Rue la Boétie, but it also looked unremarkable from the outside, so it didn’t seem like it would be very popular with tourists who wanted to feel the romance of Paris in every cup of coffee and every lunch.
Michelle had explained that its main customers were local residents and nearby office workers, so you could get a decent meal at a relatively good price.
“My previous job was near the Champs-Élysées, and this is one of the cafés I found back then. I couldn’t eat a 20-euro lunch every day, so I went around looking for places.”
Nodding at Michelle’s words, he glanced around the inside of the café. A checkered tile floor, round tables covered with white tablecloths, chairs with red leather cushions, and a heavy mahogany bar occupying the back. It felt old but clean and well-maintained.
To Yeehyeon’s eyes, this place was plenty exotic and wonderful, but he thought that despite it being a special day, the two of them might have chosen a more affordable place out of consideration for his financial situation.
“I was sad we couldn’t spend Christmas together, but I’m so glad we can welcome the new year like this.”
As soon as the waiter, who had set out the wine first as Michelle requested, left the table, Michelle pulled her chair in and gave Yuni a slight smile.
Unlike Yeehyeon, who had received a special visa for artists who had a clear affiliation and met certain conditions, Yuni had applied for a work visa and recently had to go to Seoul for about ten days due to visa issues.
Michelle was expressing her regret over the Christmas they couldn’t spend together because of it. She made no attempt to rush closing the distance, but she also didn’t try to hide her special feelings for Yuni, and the same was true for Yuni. The two were approaching each other like a pair of perfectly synchronized dancers.
“This year was so much more special because I met you two.”
“We were the ones who were able to adjust to life in Paris more quickly thanks to you, Michelle. Thank you.”
Yuni responded to Michelle’s proposal for a toast, and Yeehyeon also raised his glass, smiling at Michelle in agreement. Just as they were about to clink their glasses, Michelle paused, pulled her glass back with a playful look, and added.
“And, to celebrate the successful Paris debut and first sale of our ‘next rising star of The Hands’.”
Michelle finished the toast by quoting a phrase used in a review of Yeehyeon’s work in an art magazine. Yeehyeon’s head bowed in embarrassment.
“It’s truly something to celebrate, and something to be proud of. Yeehyeon, you’ve very successfully proven your potential to become a full-time artist. If you keep this up, you might have to vacate ‘The Hands’ studio sooner than you think, huh?”
Michelle said slyly, setting her wine glass down on the table.
If an artist failed to show results with their work for a certain period, or if their art sales exceeded 30,000 US dollars, they could no longer receive support from ‘The Hands.’ Leaving the organization for the latter reason was the dream of every affiliated artist.
“Except in very special cases, it takes some time for a new artist’s work to sell for more than 30,000 dollars. So at ‘The Hands,’ as long as you continue to produce work, you can create freely without worrying about your livelihood. It’s also the backdrop for how witty and fresh works can emerge. The support is just enough for a minimal living, but at least when it comes to creation, you can do the work you want without being limited by costs, so it’s a very good opportunity for artists struggling with money.”
Michelle, who had leaned back for a moment to let the waiter place the pre-dinner bread on the table, reached for the bread basket and added, speaking to Yeehyeon.
“Of course, if you hadn’t shown ability and potential, you wouldn’t have been offered a spot in the first place.”
The indispensable escargots and beef stew, salmon steak with a side of rice, and duck that came with a generous portion of french fries overflowing from the bowl. Three hours flew by as they ate and drank heartily, talking about a variety of topics.
“I’ll pay today. To celebrate my first painting… sale.”
While waiting for the waiter to bring the bill, Yeehyeon hesitantly suggested, and as expected, the two of them firmly insisted on splitting the bill.
“You’ve both helped me so much… please let me treat you just this once.”
Aside from a small amount of emergency pocket money, he had sent all the money from the sale to Liu, so he wasn’t actually well-off. But he couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass without expressing his gratitude for the consideration the two had shown him all this time. They looked reluctant, but knowing Yeehyeon’s sincerity, they didn’t refuse until the end.
When they stepped out onto the street, he could feel that the atmosphere was much more festive than before. A few excited young people rushed past the three of them. Walking a step or two behind Michelle and Yuni, Yeehyeon fiddled with the phone in his pocket.
Even after the money had been deposited, there had been no word from Liu. Yeehyeon, too, had not sent a single message, let alone called, in over two months.
As if nothing had happened, as if they had never met in the first place, he was letting time pass without creating any point of contact, but strangely, Yeehyeon was certain that he was watching over him. And probably, that he hadn’t touched the money he sent.
But just as he couldn’t touch his money, he couldn’t not send it. It was as if one person sending the money and the other person checking it was the only link connecting them.
Yeehyeon took his hand off his phone and quickened his pace toward Yuni and Michelle, who had stopped and were beckoning for him to hurry up.
There was only one reason he didn’t contact him.
He knew that he wasn’t ready yet.
The crowd was immense even before they reached the Champs-Élysées. Yeehyeon and Yuni were taken aback, but Michelle calmly guided them to a hidden gem of a spot.
“There’s no need to go all the way to the front. The fireworks are the highlight, and honestly, it’s more spectacular to see them all at once from the back.”
The crowd was so dense they could barely move, forcing the three of them to walk in a single file. Michelle naturally found and took the hand of Yuni, who was following closely behind her.
Most of the young people were already quite drunk, each holding a beer bottle, singing, shouting, and boisterously wishing a happy new year to everyone around them.
Broken bottles and cigarette butts littered the ground, and it was more debaucherous than he had expected, but perhaps because of the excitement of the new year dawning, the atmosphere was one of people smiling and playing along rather than frowning.
“I’ve seen the ball drop in New York, and compared to the crowd there, this is still bearable. I thought I was going to die back then, couldn’t even go to the bathroom for nearly 10 hours. And the cold was on another level compared to here. What about Korea? Do you have New Year’s countdown events like this in Korea?”
Yuni explained to Michelle about the Bosingak bell-ringing ceremony in Jongno. Michelle showed great interest in the event of welcoming the new year by striking a large bell thirty-three times and said she hoped she could go see it in person someday.
Because Michelle looked at Yuni so warmly as she said this, Yeehyeon knew she was implying she wanted to go with Yuni. Yuni, too, did not pretend to miss the meaning, smiling back at her.
A little after 11 o’clock, the light show on the Arc de Triomphe began, and as soon as the new year arrived, a spectacular fireworks display followed. Here and there, people could be seen exchanging New Year’s greetings with a bise. Couples shared deep kisses. Michelle and Yuni also shared a long kiss that was more meaningful than one between friends.
In Seoul, the new year would have already begun seven hours ago.
New York… In New York, it was still evening, about six hours before the new year.
He knew from Yuni that Liu had been in New York for about three weeks for an exhibition with H&W.
He hadn’t explained the details of what happened with Liu, let alone about the Changing, but by not mentioning him, Yuni seemed to have guessed that his relationship with him was severed. He didn’t deliberately go into detail about him, but he also didn’t unnaturally avoid mentioning his news when it came up in conversation.
Just hearing his name brought a complex pain, but on the other hand, just hearing news of him from someone else felt like it gave him a little life.
Watching the fireworks that bloomed spectacularly, delivering the hopes of the new year, he prayed that he would not be lonely as he greeted the new year. That someone would be with him. That he… would not be in too much pain.
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