In his arms, as he lay beside me, wrapping around me, I nodded several times. I wasn’t in my right mind from maintaining an erection for so long. For me, who had no experience with sexual acts other than masturbation, even his breath pouring into my ear or the hardness of his penis in my hand was an excessive stimulus that induced ejaculation.
“Focus only on that.”
I don’t think it had ever been this strong before, but the intense scent, like a whole bottle of perfume accidentally spilled, assaulted not just my sense of smell but all my senses. No, it wasn’t just a single spilled bottle of perfume. I was now submerged in a bathtub filled with that perfume. I was sinking to the bottom of a swimming pool filled with that perfume.
I thought I was sinking, but my body rose.
He put an arm behind my back and lifted me up. I was sitting on his thighs as he knelt on the bed, his legs spread wide. Even without putting any strength in my waist, his arms were supporting me. In fact, I couldn’t have even if I wanted to.
My legs naturally spread to either side of his torso, and our penises were trapped between our lower abdomens. With one arm across my back diagonally and the other wrapped around my waist to grip my ass, he used the strength of his lower body to push me up.
The force of his arm pulling me in pressed our penises together, and the force of his thighs pushing me up made them rub. Whenever I started to slide down, his hips would thrust me back up. The sense of contact was far more vivid than when we had been rubbing against each other lying down, and I clutched the back of his head as he bit my collarbone.
Everything was completely different from masturbation. This wasn’t like masturbation, which would induce an erection and then end emptily upon reaching ejaculation. It was the friction against my penis, his lips and tongue wandering over my chest, his hands twisting and thrusting my hips up, spreading his fingers to caress them in circles.
He was sensitively awakening every single cell that made up my body, making each one of them tremble. I was feeling it so sensitively that my lower abdomen twinged and cramped as if I had a stomachache.
This me, engaging in a sexual act with another person, was a first for me, too. And I had never imagined I would react this way.
“This… what is this….”
He must have done something to me. Otherwise, there was no explaining the vulgar words I had whispered into his ear, the impulse I’d felt while gripping his penis, or my own unfamiliar actions now, my hips bucking on their own as I rubbed my penis against his lower abdomen. I was trying to blame him.
Had I become incapable of speaking in complex sentences? It was frightening, as if I’d become an idiot; my body was completely focused only on the act with him.
He didn’t answer, only chewing on the tip of my chin as he looked up at me with eyes that had lost their usual dryness and now glistened with a sheen.
“It’s not… perfume, is it?”
He pulled my body tighter, rotating his hips in a circle to grind our penises together. My legs were spread so wide that I was pressed as tightly as possible against his groin. Just looking down at that contact and friction, the feeling of climax rose, heavy at the tip of my penis.
“It’s strange… this is strange.”
Even as I said it was strange, I was pushing my toes back to press my crotch harder against his body. He stopped chewing on my chin and rubbed the tip of his nose against my lips, moving my hips in the opposite direction of his own hip’s rotation. The angle at which our penises rubbed changed, and another wave of climax surged through me.
“Say something else. Other than that it’s strange.”
“Hh, heueuu, heuk….”
This time, he wrapped both arms tightly around my waist. Holding me fast as if buckling a seatbelt, he shook me rapidly, as if trying to wring every drop of moisture out of me.
“How do you feel right now?”
“Good. It feels good….”
Clutching his head and running my hands through his hair, I trembled like I’d been thrown into a washing machine on the spin cycle and muttered deliriously. It was as if I could say anything he wanted; I was completely outside of my usual self.
I was only being pressed and rubbed against his slickly wet lower abdomen, but the sufficient pressure and hot friction, as if I’d been inserted into some narrow space, sent me soaring.
The pleasure I confessed to him in the moment of climax—reached without even using my hands, only by the force of him shaking me and the pressure on my lower abdomen—was a series of unbelievable words. I poured into his ear my sexual attraction to his thick penis and the obscene sensation of all the slick fluids we had spilled… and, as I heard his even more blush-inducing whispers in response to my confession… it felt like what I saw in that moment was both heaven and hell. Whatever it was, it was an extreme. It was not a pleasure within the ordinary realm.
As if to wring out the very last drop of moisture, he stood fully supported on his knees and shook me. It was just as he’d said. I couldn’t think of anything, and nothing mattered. No perception could arise from my mushy brain.
Shaken by him, completely dominated by the scent and excitement, my body, like a sacrifice offered on the altar of sex, felt nothing but pleasure.
When he laid me down on the bed, I was completely spent. As if the core that supported my body had been pulled out, as if my bones had melted, a wave of lethargy washed over me. My body sank heavily, as if it would be buried in the sheets.
Had I lost consciousness, or had I briefly fallen asleep? When I snapped my eyes open at the feeling of moisture on my skin, I was lying face down on the bed. What touched my back was a warm, wet towel.
His penis, not yet subsided, bobbed and swayed in the faint light. When I came face-to-face with the proof that the embers of desire still remained in his body, the urge to touch it stirred once more, but perhaps fortunately, I had no energy left. I couldn’t even move my lips to call him, let alone my fingers.
I wasn’t confident in the accuracy of my memory, but I was fairly sure he hadn’t ejaculated. From beginning to end, it had been an act centered entirely around me—I think I only realized that after everything was over.
He moved to the foot of the bed, and his hand, which had been wiping away the tangled pre-cum from my inner thigh—whose was whose, I couldn’t tell—paused for a moment. The mattress tilted, and in the next moment, my ass cheeks were spread apart. I wanted to refuse, but all I could manage was to curl up slightly with a groan.
His nose and lips unhesitatingly approached the entrance of my anus. Sniff, sniff. I could feel him inhaling the scent. As I struggled to push him away, or failing that, to at least flip my body over, his tongue licked the area around my anus. Lying face down, my ass spasmed on its own. It’s okay, he patted the flesh a couple of times as if to reassure me.
At first, his tongue moved mechanically, as if to confirm something, but it gradually grew more viscous, wetting my anus with a sexual nuance. Like a persistent courtship, it continued for a long time.
He stuck his tongue out far, rubbing it hard over my anus with its entire surface, then took the entrance into his mouth and sucked on it a few times with a slurp before finally lifting his face from my ass.
“This doesn’t make sense.”
I couldn’t be sure, but that’s what it sounded like. This doesn’t make sense, he muttered. While wiping my groin with the wet towel.
It was a day that made no sense. I had already experienced what a single day that overwhelms hundreds of others was like. I never thought I would experience such a day again. A day that changes the direction of your life, from northwest to southeast.
Someone dragged me mercilessly into sleep.
○
Even though it was past the weekday evening rush hour, perhaps because it was a narrow road, a long line of red taillights stretched down the lane leading from Yeonhui-dong to the Donggyo-dong intersection. It looked like we would have to wait through at least two or three more light changes before we could make the right turn at the four-way.
“We’re almost there and now there’s traffic.”
Juhan-hyung muttered, propping his elbow on the window, bored. Hyung and I were on our way home after delivering an artwork to a client’s residence in Yeonhui-dong.
“You can just drop me off here….”
“We’re almost there, what’s the big deal? Are you in a hurry?”
“No. I have to wait for you and Noona to finish anyway… I can just walk slowly from here.”
“It’s on the way down anyway. Are you and Noona buying you dinner because you were sick?”
I dodged his question with an awkward laugh and shifted my gaze out the window. The days had become noticeably longer, and the shops were just now turning on their signs. One barbecue restaurant was setting up temporary tables and chairs in front of their store.
Everyone at Phantom thought I had been sick. Although my body had briefly malfunctioned due to mental shock, strictly speaking, I hadn’t been physically ill. But the CEO had been firm.
When he drove me to the Director’s house in his car late the next afternoon, he recommended I take two more days off. Though it was phrased as a recommendation, it was practically an order. He said that if I came to work, it would only make the others worry, and that I should rest fully until I was completely recovered. I had no right to refuse.
Thanks to that, Yuni-noona and Juhan-hyung seemed to think I had gotten sick from overworking, helping with the ‘Old Future’ photoshoot that day on top of my gallery duties. I tried to explain several times that I had forced myself to eat a hamburger that wouldn’t go down and must have gotten indigestion, but they didn’t seem to believe me.
For one reason or another, I felt embarrassed that I had somehow acquired a frail image. My body was, in fact, perfectly fine, with nothing broken.
No, maybe not perfectly fine.
After my first sexual experience with another person, not masturbation, my body might have changed from before. Every time I replayed that night, on his bed, that utterly unfamiliar version of myself, the very concept of being human became more and more incomprehensible.
Since it was my first time having sex with another person, it was of course my first time seeing my own reaction to it, but even so, my boldness had been far beyond the scope of my expectations. Me, who even when masturbating, had focused only on reaching ejaculation efficiently and quickly, as if even those physiological reactions and their resolution were a bother… to be like that….
Letting out a sigh without realizing it, I leaned my forehead against the glass window and felt Hyung’s gaze flicker toward me.
End of Volume 1
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