Perhaps in that chill, Liu felt the world’s objective verdict on what he had done. Standing helplessly for a moment with his hands hanging limp as if he’d lost the ability to speak, he moved only his lips, his disheveled eyes unchanged, and forced a stiff smile.
“You seem to be under a grand delusion, Choi In-woo.”
“……”
“Until now, you were just lucky enough to live with dignity without becoming a Golden. You don’t even need to go as far as the intensity of the pheromones I was drawn to in Seo Yeehyeon. Just by being exposed to the pheromones a Golden Omega releases with intent, you’d be reduced to a toy that your opponent can control with a single finger. A fucking machine that has lost all human dignity and will, that does nothing but crawl on the floor and beg to insert and ejaculate… with nothing left but an erect cock.”
As if he had prepared it in advance, his words flowed without pause. The red flush of alcohol had completely vanished from his face as he spat out his story, emphasizing each syllable to give it a distinct edge. Now, he looked almost pale. Only the bloodshot veins in his glaring eyes and their strange glint spoke of his agitation.
Liu’s face twitched as he stepped closer to In-woo.
“There might be guys who think being an Alpha is some great class, or that pheromones are some kind of superpower, but that is the true nature of an Alpha dominated by pheromones. You’re no different.”
The distance they had long maintained—where they were each alone within a certain boundary, never allowing approach, never trying to approach, never revealing their deepest thoughts—was completely crumbling. They were violating each other, trading the cruelest words that could inflict the most damage.
“Yeah, you might be right.”
In-woo, who had been glaring at him with a dazed expression as if he’d been struck, just like Liu moments before, wiped his face and lowered his eyes.
“Maybe it’s because I’ve been lucky, and because I’ve been clever enough to avoid overly dangerous worlds, that I’ve never been hit hard by pheromones. No, that must be it. I only ever dealt with opponents within a range I could defend against and handle… using pheromones moderately as a tool for sexual amusement… without ever thinking deeply about what an Alpha or an Omega is.”
In-woo’s gaze, which had softened as if tracing a regretful past, hardened again and met Liu’s.
“But thanks to you, I’ve come to my senses.”
“……”
“Even when I saw you living while suppressing your pheromones like some kind of monk, the alarm bells about pheromones never really rang for me. I even thought, if you look at it differently, pheromones are a gift from the heavens, so why is he being so frustratingly repressed? But seeing you ruin your life, dominated by pheromones, I finally got it.”
This time, In-woo stepped toward Liu, poking him in the chest. His sneering lips were full of venom.
“So? Did you get on your knees and beg? Did you say that you were momentarily blinded and lost your way because you wanted him too much, but that the foundation of it all was an overwhelming love so great it could blind you? That you couldn’t resist because the powerful pheromones inherent in him, which you were unaware of, broke down a Golden Alpha’s defenses and bewitched you? Did the great Liu Weikun really spew such pathetic excuses? Huh?”
Liu, who had been stepping back and passively taking In-woo’s taunts and pokes to his chest, suddenly shot a murderous look and slapped In-woo’s finger away.
“You didn’t… you didn’t go blabbing to Seo Yeehyeon about that, did you?”
“About what.”
“That Seo Yeehyeon has pheromones too.”
Staring straight at Liu, who lowered his voice and ground his teeth, In-woo shrugged and clicked his tongue.
“Liu Weikun, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to be considerate of Yeehyeon-ssi by not telling him? What difference does leaving that one thing out make now?”
“Then what difference can that one thing make now?”
“At the very least, it could lessen the shock and pain he feels from thinking you systematically Changed him to satisfy your personal greed.”
“……”
Though his expression said he had much to say, Liu shut his mouth. He turned his head, avoiding his eyes.
If Yeehyeon were to learn about his own unidentified pheromones that supposedly only affected Liu, he might be even more confused, at least temporarily. In-woo, too, didn’t think it justified the non-consensual Changing.
But if Yeehyeon’s greatest pain was not the Changing itself but the weight of the sin committed by the person he loved, then for now, that seemed to be the only painkiller that could alleviate his suffering, even if only by a little.
In-woo shook his head at Liu’s attitude, at his stubborn insistence on remaining silent about Yeehyeon’s pheromones, which, all things considered, could be his only hope (no matter how slim, it was better than nothing).
He didn’t want to admit it, but Liu knew Yeehyeon too well. He wanted to protect Yeehyeon, who would try to share the burden, thinking that he might bear some responsibility for this Changing.
Leaving aside the right or wrong of the Changing itself, he couldn’t bring himself to mock this particular choice Liu was making. The urge to retort with the same taunt—if you cared for Yeehyeon that much, why didn’t you make a rational decision from the start?—had now faded. Like a fire that, after burning fiercely, has nothing left but to die down into ash.
“You’ve ruined things enough, so take your hands off this now. This is between the people involved, and if you jump in and run wild… you’ll only confuse him more.”
Liu, who had been standing in silence for a long time with a complicated expression, said as much in a subdued voice and turned his back. In-woo hesitated as he followed him toward the door, then spoke.
“Don’t go to Shushu.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t kill him.”
He tightened his grip on the shoulder of Liu, who answered indifferently without looking back, and turned him around.
“That’s not it! You’re not in your right mind right now. Isn’t losing Yeehyeon-ssi enough, you want to lose all your friends too? At least hold back for today. Cool your head.”
Uneasy that he didn’t answer, he squeezed the shoulder he was holding and forced a bitter smile.
“Surely Liu Weikun isn’t going to spout nonsense like, if I’ve lost Seo Yeehyeon, then nothing else matters?”
“Who said that? That I’ve lost Seo Yeehyeon.”
After saying so with a numb face, Liu shook off In-woo’s hand and walked out the door without delay. Contrary to the content of his words, his voice was empty, like a husk stripped of its grain, carrying no conviction or confidence.
○
Even if he didn’t want to be a fisherman, he could never give up a shot of soju with a slice of raw fish freshly cut on the boat. Leehan used to say that often, like a habit.
Anyone who had tasted it would have to agree, but for Yeehyeon, the cup of instant coffee mix he drank while standing at the prow of the returning fishing boat, watching the distant, shimmering port draw near, was even more special. As he focused on the bittersweet comfort spreading through his labor-wearied body and the warmth from the paper cup, he felt the weight of the affairs on land lighten a little. For a brief moment, he even thought that a life like this—not resisting, just swaying as the waves swayed—might not be so bad. Like his grandfather and his uncle.
While not a full load, the catch was plentiful enough that on the way back to port, he didn’t have to listen to his grandfather’s coarse, curse-laden complaints that ‘the sea’s been fished dry.’ The deepening autumn was a particularly popular time for domestic fresh mackerel, as they grew fatty and savory. Even without a large vessel, if one was diligent and paid attention, they could see a decent profit that helped with the household finances.
“If our boat has a full load, so do the others. When the catch is big, the price just drops, so either way, it’s hard to make a living,” his grandfather muttered, drinking his coffee like soju, but his face was brighter than usual.
“That scrawny kid has become pretty useful.”
His grandfather’s tough face, which looked as if the sea’s salt and the unforgiving, sharp wind were etched into the lines between his wrinkles, turned to Yeehyeon and smiled.
“I figured he’d have gotten even weaker after going to Seoul to draw pictures.”
“Hyun might not have much meat on his bones, but he’s always been sturdy. He’s got nimble fingers, too.”
His uncle, who was sitting on the storage hold cover organizing small tools, chimed in. Yeehyeon wasn’t as skilled at boat work as Leehan, and all he’d done was help a little with tasks that didn’t require special know-how, like pulling up the nets or tossing the separated fish into the hold, but because their expectations were low, their evaluation was generous.
“Should I become a fisherman then?”
“Nonsense.”
He’d meant it as a joke, but his grandfather, who had so forcefully pushed Leehan to take to the sea, immediately hardened his expression.
“A kid with enough talent to pay off that much of the family’s debt with his drawings, what do you mean, a fisherman? He’s bound to be greater than his father.”
His grandfather, glancing toward the port, crushed the lit end of his cigarette with his thick fingertips and slipped into the wheelhouse. Following his grandfather’s back with his eyes, Yeehyeon looked ahead and saw a familiar figure lingering on the pier.
His father was there, at the mooring where Yeehyeon sometimes used to wait for the boat before he left the village.
“He doesn’t show it, but he seems to be in a good mood these days since you came. He’s a guy who rarely comes out to the crowded port.”
His uncle, who was slowly preparing to dock and untying the ropes, placed a hand on Yeehyeon’s shoulder and gave a faint smile.
Amidst the bustling fishermen, his father’s face, watching them with his hands thrust deep in his jumper pockets, was expressionless, without any cracks, contrary to his uncle’s words that he ‘seemed to be in a good mood.’
But Yeehyeon had no intention of denying that his father had changed somehow, or that, at least concerning his father, his act of turning his back on him on that rainy dawn and following Leehan out the gate had not been a completely useless, childish runaway.
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