■ ■ ■
In three days, I leave for Florence. After about a month of careful discussion, the decision was made two weeks ago. My family is deliberately creating a festive atmosphere, as if I were leaving on a holiday trip, saying Florence, now the capital of the Kingdom of Italy, must be a vibrant city. But as they have their tea parties by the lake in the garden of our English estate, relying only on news from across the sea—news they interpret positively to suit their own tastes—they are completely failing to grasp the true nature of the changes.
Treated as a tool, shuttled around like luggage on trains and carriages, I have a sense of the political climate that I feel in my skin here on the European mainland, a sense they will no longer be able to keep up with.
The unification of Italy has not yet entered a stable period, and due to the exploitation of the southern regions, urban economies are stagnating in various places, leading to growing dissatisfaction and resentment. It’s safe to say that there are no safe cities in Europe right now, not just Florence.
Across all of Europe, endless negotiations, breakdowns, and wars are creating a sense of unease, and separate from that, a strange excitement and anticipation drifts among the people, stirring the air. While they tremble at the premonition of a great change that will turn everything on its head, on the other hand, the people—the ruled classes—secretly desire it in their hearts.
Everything is changing. The entire world, with the exception of the nobles who are only interested in maintaining their own authority and wealth, like myself and my clan, was preparing and steeling itself to dive into the tide of change.
But this time, I will not simply keep my mouth shut and place my neck in their hands.
I’ve obtained information that Erich’s master’s family has abandoned their estate and fled toward the Kingdom of Bohemia, where the mistress’s family is from. Since the information was gathered from so far away, it isn’t certain, but it’s highly probable that in such a tense situation, they wouldn’t have been able to move with all fifty or so of their servants in tow. They would have likely given most of the servants a few coins, set them free, and reduced the scale of their escape.
Knowing Erich, he would have unhesitatingly chosen freedom when given the chance, even if it meant having to solve the problems of food and shelter himself.
But I have no way of knowing where he would have headed after leaving the group. Could he, perhaps, be trying to find news of me as well?
Though I cannot pay a large sum to obtain information, the news that circulates among the people on the streets is sometimes faster, more in touch with reality, and more useful than the information nobles pay for.
If he heard about my upcoming trip, could it be that we might meet in Florence? Now that I know the news about his master’s family, it’s difficult to suppress such a hope.
But reuniting is not the only way to complete a love. Just because we cannot be together does not mean I will stop loving him. Even if the time we shared was but a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of a lifetime, I do not need a lifetime to realize that he is the love of my life.
That brief encounter alone showed me how much he changed me and my life. It is a love that brought about a change akin to making blood flow through stone. I cannot simply dismiss it as a momentary fever, citing the passage of time.
I have no fear of my plan failing. My heart is already at peace and my resolve is clear, to the point that I feel pathetic for not having made this decision sooner and instead being dragged around, playing the part of a gloomy victim.
I will no longer stand by and let them damage and exploit my humanity. I do not wish to become a hero who forges their own destiny. If I cannot overturn it, then I will stop this cycle, even if it means severing it with a cut.
In Florence, I should be able to get more accurate news related to Austria. I might also be able to find someone who, for a price, will look into Erich’s whereabouts. In fact, I now find myself wishing for the two weeks to pass quickly.
I can hear Erich shouting at me to stay alive, wherever I am. If he wishes for my survival, I will survive tenaciously. But now I will do so as a choice, not out of resignation, and as a strategy, watching for an opportunity.
His scent has not faded at all. The heat of my blood that craves him is also the same. I had not a shred of anxiety that his heart might have cooled, that I and my scent might have faded from within him. For a pessimist like me, that in itself was a miracle.
I can be as certain as if he were whispering his heart into my ear and proving it with his scent. If this is because of the special bond between Diamond Dust and me, then I will no longer curse being born with this body.
■ ■ ■
I opened my eyes to the feeling of a hot liquid flowing from the corner of my eye to my temple. I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling in my room at ‘The Hands’ studio. My body ached as if I had forcibly passed through a wall of time and crossed over from some point in the past into reality. I had to lie still for a while to collect my emotions and find my sense of reality.
I think I had a dream about Erich and his ghost, but I couldn’t remember the details. Waking up in tears was proof that I had been dreaming right up until the last moment, but the memory was wiped clean.
Even so, the emotion that had swelled up to the point of sorrow remained vivid, making my chest ache. I wondered if I had seen them finally meet at the end of the dream, and I wanted to recall at least that much, but not a single clue remained, as if someone had intentionally deleted the memory.
“……”
The quiet sound of a page turning made Yeehyeon turn his head. A back view of someone sitting leaning against the bed came into sight. I had a memory of Yuni coming by at some point to give me soup and medicine. But this was definitely not Yuni.
Broad shoulders, a long, firm neckline, beautiful hair, the distinct outline of a profile visible from an angle.
It felt so unreal, as if it were a continuation of the dream, like a photograph from the past had been cut and pasted into the present.
Holding my breath, I first wiped the wetness from my eyes. I carefully reached an arm out from under the covers and lightly touched the ends of his hair. A face that stirred my emotions in a different way immediately turned to me and gave a worried smile.
“You’re awake?”
“Did I… sleep that long?”
My throat, which had been closed up by the fever, was completely hoarse.
He was scheduled to arrive on Thursday evening. The last time we had spoken on the phone was around midnight on Wednesday, Paris time. Assuming he had arrived here as scheduled, a quick calculation told me I had been asleep for at least forty hours. I had said I would probably sleep for a long time, and it did feel like I had slept for a very long time, as if I had lived another life and woken up, but there was no way I had slept for forty hours straight.
Liu, who had put down the book he was reading and turned completely toward me, gently brushed Yeehyeon’s hair back. He was wearing a plain black short-sleeved t-shirt. I had no sense of how long he had been here.
“I came a day early.”
“Weren’t you supposed to visit the coffee bean supplier with your Hyung?”
“It’s not so urgent that it can’t be postponed.”
Liu gently placed his right hand over Yeehyeon’s left, which was outside the covers, and with the hand that had been touching his hair, he caressed his cheek as if to gauge his temperature.
“It’s only a day…. I’m fine….”
“I made a special exception this one time. I’ll never do it again.”
Saying that his fever still needed to come down more and that he should save getting angry for after he was fully recovered, Liu bent his intertwined fingers, giving them a squeeze. But Yeehyeon wasn’t trying to get angry. Since they were in a long-distance relationship by his own choice, he didn’t want to upset the balance of Liu’s life for a reason like this. He wasn’t angry at him, but rather at himself. He had been more careful about his health than anything else to avoid causing worry… He was upset.
“Let’s get something to eat first. I made porridge. It just needs to be heated up.”
“Egg porridge?”
When he asked, recalling the porridge with carrots and zucchini he had made for him the day he hyperventilated at his house, Liu smiled sheepishly and nodded. Right now, it felt like looking at this smile would be better for my health.
“I’ll eat in a little bit. After I’ve looked at your face a little more, and heard your voice a little more….”
He hesitated for a moment, but he, who would know better than anyone Yeehyeon’s desire to feel the reality of their meeting before anything else, didn’t press him to eat.
“Why are you sitting on the floor?”
Though it wasn’t as if there was a comfortable sofa to sit on.
“Come up here.”
“I’m seeing you for the first time in a month and about ten days, and you think I have a gentlemanly enough image to you… that I can lie down next to you in the same bed and restrain myself?”
Huh? Have I been that reserved with you? Liu added with a mischievous look, nibbling gently on Yeehyeon’s fingers.
Yeehyeon let out a weak chuckle. And giving a squeeze to their tightly interlocked fingers, he gave him a subtle pull. They hadn’t seen each other in over a month, and now they were together. There was no need to explain in words or appeal with their eyes how much they wanted to touch each other.
“Then… don’t hold back.”
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