‘Perhaps he is speaking of something that never wavers, even amidst chaos and anxiety. Just like Yeehyeon himself.’
Liu read the passage over and over.
There were people who looked at Yeehyeon ’s work properly and understood it properly. While he was glad, moved, and grateful for that, a dark possessiveness, a desire not to share Yeehyeon , squirmed within him.
In truth, he wanted to own every piece Yeehyeon ever released.
If he put his mind to it, he could have done so without Yeehyeon ever finding out. But he would never do that. It would be a betrayal of Yeehyeon ’s choices and efforts.
While at ‘The Hands,’ Yeehyeon had to make a name for himself and be judged solely on his own talent. To do that, he was enduring a great deal of criticism, disregard, and at times, even ridicule, continuing his work without wavering.
If Liu were to secretly buy up every piece Yeehyeon released here, it would be the same as rendering all that effort meaningless.
It was okay not to possess.
The vigorous desire to possess was still there, but hadn’t he learned, in the most brutal way, that possession was not the end of love?
Liu gently stroked Yeehyeon ’s work on the page with his fingertips.
He just knew. That Yeehyeon , too, must be going through a difficult time.
Not to condemn the villain, Liu Weikun, but to forgive him.
That they were enduring this time not to forget each other, but for the day they could be together again.
That he still loved him. That he wanted to forgive him. So please, wait steadfastly. Yeehyeon was speaking through his paintings. By depicting the ‘ghosts’ in his work so beautifully.
Liu closed the magazine and put it back in its place. Then, before turning off the light, he looked around the empty room once more. Only one person was gone, yet the entire room felt vacant. As if he couldn’t bear to look, Liu hesitantly turned his head and headed for his own bedroom.
Following his bedtime routine, he took care of various trivial matters and then stood by the bed. He picked up the frame on the nightstand and gave a short laugh.
A tall rabbit dressed in a handsome three-piece suit, holding a pocket watch.
It was how Yeehyeon had drawn Liu Weikun.
He didn’t lie in the center, but on the left side, leaving the other side empty. When he slept here with Yeehyeon , Yeehyeon ’s side was always the right. When he lies down, “Isolation” hung directly in front of him.
He lay on his side, gazing at Yeehyeon ’s empty spot. He took one of the two pillows stacked on top of each other and hugged it.
On the bed where their pheromones as Ghost and Diamond Dust had once mingled in a heated communion, he was now alone.
The blood in his veins sizzled as if on fire, craving Yeehyeon . His one and only Diamond Dust.
He closed his eyes and muttered, as if chanting a spell to quell the withdrawal.
“Seo Yeehyeon .”
Curling his body tighter, he hugged the pillow close.
“Yeehyeon , see you tomorrow.”
■ ■ ■
Saturday.
Seoul.
Weather: cloudy.
Temperature somewhat chilly for the time of year.
“The maple leaves in the garden have turned so beautifully. Just in the last few days.”
That was the first greeting from the housekeeper who had arrived to take care of the house. Liu, who met her at the entrance, glanced outside through the crack of the open door.
“I guess it’s because it got cold so quickly. It must have been hard for you, coming so early.”
“It’s not early for me. I had breakfast and even a leisurely cup of tea before I came. Mr. Liu must have been busy preparing for the group exhibition. Did you say the official opening is next Friday?”
“Yes, that’s right. So there’s a lot of laundry piled up, and the dressing room on the second floor is a bit of a mess… I’m sorry.”
“That’s my job, what are you sorry for? Or should I have dropped by more often? Have you been eating properly?”
“I’ve mostly been eating out.”
“But another business trip without a moment to breathe? Going on business trips every weekend, you won’t have a body left.”
The housekeeper clucked her tongue worriedly, looking down at the Boston bag placed on the stool by the entrance. Though it was an excuse he had made up himself, Liu gave an awkward laugh at the words ‘business trip’ and changed the subject.
“You know I’m healthy.”
“You shouldn’t be so overconfident. What about that herbal medicine I had made for you before? Are you taking it well?”
“Oh? I think I have to go, because of my flight time.”
Liu feigned an exaggerated nonchalance, lifting his trench coat sleeve to check his watch.
“Aren’t you just trying to avoid my nagging?”
Liu grinned at the housekeeper, who was narrowing her eyes at him prettily, and affectionately stroked her arm.
“I’ll be back. I bought a fig cake and left it in the pantry. The one you said was delicious last time. Share it with your family.”
“You said you were busy. Why did you bother with something like that? Thank you, as always.”
Slipping on his loafers and picking up the Boston bag, Liu carefully added a final request before leaving the entrance.
“I’m the one who’s always grateful. And the basement… you know, right?”
“Of course, don’t you worry. I won’t touch it or go down there.”
“Yes, thank you. I’m off. Don’t come out!”
Despite Liu’s protests for her not to, she stepped outside the entrance. An affectionate nag followed Liu’s back as he headed for the main gate.
“You’re handsome, your business is doing well, you’re so considerate of people… Why hasn’t a perfect man like you found a partner yet… You can’t be so picky!”
“I’ll be back!”
Pretending not to hear, he raised his arm high and waved at her.
Not finding a partner because he was picky.
Liu, having gotten into the back seat of the waiting sedan, snickered to himself.
Ah, but maybe she was right. Waiting and hoping for Seo Yeehyeon meant having incredibly high standards. That made sense.
With a bitter smile, he looked out the window. The vegetation along the Han River now wore the full colors of autumn.
It had already been several months since he started flying back and forth to Paris, spending over twenty-five hours on a plane every weekend. It had started after his trip to Bali during the summer vacation.
He had met Lim Morae and Seo Yeehan at Double Six Beach in Bali.
The ‘meeting’ itself hadn’t been the goal. He hadn’t even thought they would recognize him. It was a trip that was more or less for spying. Perhaps he had wanted to soothe his longing, even indirectly, by watching the people precious to Yeehyeon .
But Lim Morae had recognized Liu at once and approached him. And she had pointed to the drawing of Liu that Yeehyeon had made and said:
“How could I not recognize you? Yeehyeon really is talented.”
The man in the drawing, with large rabbit ears, looking at a pocket watch hanging from his vest. No matter how you looked at it, it was Liu himself.
Alice in Wonderland.
The pocket-watch-carrying rabbit that guides her to Wonderland.
That was how Yeehyeon was depicting Liu.
In front of that drawing, he could no longer control his longing. He had gone there to soothe his yearning, but instead, he had completely broken down emotionally.
Until then, Liu had been at a loss after sending Yeehyeon away.
Should I fly to Paris and selfishly cling to him? If I cry and beg, saying I feel like I’m going to die, like I’m going crazy, wouldn’t Yeehyeon take me back, even out of pity? — He had such thoughts countless times a day. He had actually booked tickets to Paris several times.
But that wasn’t how he wanted to be accepted by Yeehyeon .
Mere pity wasn’t enough. He wanted his whole heart.
Liu, who had only repeated the process of booking and canceling plane tickets, changed his mind after the Bali trip.
For now, he decided to just think about surviving. He had to live and endure to be able to wait for him. To do that, he accepted the conclusion that he could only breathe if he could see him, even from a distance.
He booked a ticket to Paris, and this time, he didn’t cancel it.
That was when these suspicious business trips began.
■ ■ ■
Paris. 19th arrondissement.
Time difference with Seoul: 7 hours.
Weather a little chillier than Seoul.
“It’s a Haussmann-style building, which is rare in the 19th arrondissement, so it has a certain charm. It has an elevator, too. A bit cramped, though.”
The real estate agent smiled and pressed the close button for the elevator. Liu, who was following behind him with his hands thrust in his trench coat pockets, nodded silently. The ceiling of the elevator was almost touching the top of his head.
“Within the range you mentioned, this is the closest property to ‘The Hands.’ It came on the market on Wednesday and it’s already very popular. I had quite a time holding onto it until your visit.”
The real estate agent shrugged, speaking in a slightly boastful tone.
It had already been a month since he started touring apartments to find a place in the 19th arrondissement, where ‘The Hands’ was located. He was seeing three or four places each visit, but a property he liked just wasn’t showing up.
The conditions Liu had set were, in a way, simple.
It had to be as close to ‘The Hands’ as possible. But, the building directly across the street was excluded.
That was all.
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