Next to the rabbit, there was also a figure of Alice in her blue dress and white apron. Alice’s large, curious eyes seemed to resemble Yeehyeon’s.
Liu, covering his face with his large hands, whispered as if collapsing.
“No, please don’t forget me.”
As if Yeehyeon were right in front of him. As if he were pleading with him directly.
It was now truly time to leave.
Should he buy the clock rabbit figure and give it to Yeehyeon as a gift, someday when he could stand by his side again? He’d had that thought.
But Liu left the front of the shop and got into his car.
He didn’t know who would buy that figure or when, but he hoped that until then, Yeehyeon would think of him whenever he passed by and saw the rabbit.
Rather than you forgetting me and living happily, I want you to ache with longing for me. So much that you’ll want to come back to me.
He decided to accept that this was the extent of his love.
As he drove toward Charles de Gaulle Airport, Liu kept the car window open. The wind rushing into the car was cold, but he couldn’t help it, he felt suffocated.
A haenyeo can usually dive to a depth of 10 meters for about a minute. After the dive, she resurfaces and exhales with a high-pitched, whistling sound. The sumbisori.
The precious moment of letting out a long-held breath and taking in a new one.
For Liu, his life in Seoul was, so to speak, a state of being underwater. And the time in Paris, where he could watch Yeehyeon from even a little closer, was like the sumbisori.
He passed a sign that said 10km to Charles de Gaulle.
It was time to dive again.
While staring blankly ahead from behind his sunglasses, he continuously rolled something in his hand.
It was a Faber-Castell eraser.
■ ■ ■
Paris, a few days before Christmas.
A monumental snowfall was blanketing the entirety of Paris in white. The sleet that had begun scattering early in the morning had turned into snowflakes the size of a child’s fist by noon. After midday, the snow had piled up on the streets enough for one’s feet to sink into it.
Such a heavy snowfall was a very rare sight in Paris.
The most excited, of course, were the children. As if to ask whether this many children had been living in the 19th arrondissement, every alley was occupied by them.
Snow was also piling up on Liu’s sedan, which was parked in front of ‘The Hands’ as he waited for Yeehyeon. But there was no need to brush the snow off. As soon as it reached a certain thickness, little people would approach and scoop up the snow from the front and rear bonnets.
That snow became material for a snowball fight, or the very beginning of a rolling snowman. Sometimes, it became white confetti to be sprinkled on a friend’s head.
Thanks to children of various ages playing in various ways, the time spent waiting for Yeehyeon wasn’t boring. This, too, felt like a scene from a movie.
The world viewed from the driver’s seat while waiting for Yeehyeon was, in itself, like a drive-in theater. Liu chuckled to himself, sipping warm coffee from time to time.
The children still too young to play outside alone were with their guardians. A little one who had just started to toddle, closer to a baby than a child, had also come out onto the street, fully bundled up.
A hand in an impossibly tiny glove touched the snow on the ground. The small body, crouched awkwardly, looked unstable, not yet able to balance itself well. Not knowing when it might topple forward, the child’s guardian hovered anxiously by its side.
A warm smile appeared on Liu’s lips and in his eyes as he leaned his elbow on the window frame and watched the scene.
It was the kind of smile that comes from transposing the scenery before one’s eyes into one’s own happiness, while getting lost in a sweet fantasy.
As if a miracle had occurred just before Christmas, the world suddenly seemed filled with generous hope and happiness. All for the simple reason that it had snowed.
Knock, knock, knock.
The unexpected knock startled Liu. Lifting his tumbler to drink his coffee, Liu turned toward the driver’s side window with a puzzled expression.
A little girl was standing there. She was about six years old, her face barely visible over the window.
Liu lowered the window.
“Hello?”
“Hello.”
At Liu’s greeting, the child also greeted him, raising a small hand in a woolen glove.
“What is it? Is there something I can help you with?”
“I have a question.”
“Uh… okay.”
The child took another step toward the window and lowered her voice.
“Mister, you’re a detective, right?”
“Huh?”
“You’re always here in your car, watching. You’re a detective, right?”
“Ah….”
It was hard to betray the look in the child’s eyes, which were filled with conviction and expectation. They were the eyes of someone who would clearly be disappointed if he said he wasn’t a detective.
Liu placed the tumbler he was holding back in the cup holder. Then, after putting on a show of looking around with a cautious and secretive gaze, he gestured for the child to come closer. And just as the child had done, he lowered his voice and whispered.
“How did you know I was in the car?”
“I saw you get out a few times. I thought it was an empty car, but you got out and I was surprised.”
“Hmm…. I see.”
Nodding his head, Liu put his index finger to his lips and said solemnly.
“But the fact that I’m a detective is a secret.”
“I know! So the culprit doesn’t find out!”
Her large brown eyes shining, the child clenched her gloved fists and looked up at Liu. A detective doesn’t necessarily chase a culprit, but for a child, that was likely a trivial detail.
“You know a lot about detectives, don’t you?”
“I’ve read several Sherlock Holmes books.”
She seemed bright, but Sherlock Holmes. Liu felt it was quite a difficult book for a mere six-year-old to read. His eyes widening as if impressed, he asked.
“You can read Sherlock Holmes?”
The child let out a sigh with her small lips and answered. As if to say, how could you not know?
“Sherlock Holmes for children. I’m a child now, so I can’t read the one for adults.”
“Ah, right. I suppose so.”
He almost burst out laughing at the child’s serious attitude, but he managed to hold it in.
“But I’m going to read the real Sherlock Holmes when I grow up.”
“Yeah, from the looks of it, I think you’ll be able to read it soon.”
The child beamed with joy. It was a smile that one couldn’t help but return.
“Then, can you keep this a secret between detectives?”
He could tell that the phrase “a secret between detectives” had captured the child’s heart at once. A fierce tremor ran through her large, trusting eyes, their rims distinct.
“I’ll keep it a secret from Louise, and from Alain. And from Mom and Dad, too.”
“That’s amazing. You’re very trustworthy.”
Playing along with the child’s words with a serious expression, Liu was swept up in a very new feeling.
Until now, he’d never had the chance to be close to a being like a child, and if he had to say, he’d found them difficult and tricky. Even while loving Yeehyeon to the point of losing his mind, he had only focused on keeping him by his side; he had never even imagined having a child with him.
But for the first time, however vaguely, he imagined a child of his and Yeehyeon’s. Then he immediately scoffed at himself with a cynical smile.
Imagining a child when I’ve been kicked out and slapped with a restraining order. Talk about dreaming big.
“It’s a shame to have a secret from your best friend, but Louise or Alain might accidentally tell someone else. Right?”
“Alain won’t tell.”
“Hmm?”
“I tell Alain everything, but he never tells anyone.”
“Really?”
“Because he’s a dog.”
“Ah….”
Liu nodded, gazing into the distance with narrowed eyes. Like someone who had just had a profound realization.
After promising, in the name of a detective, to keep it a secret even from Alain the dog, the child returned to her friends, leaving him with a final “Joyeux Noël!”*
On the red knit hat the child wore, the snow that had melted in the meantime glittered. Thinking she was like a little elf, Liu let out a chuckle.
The child in the red hat and her friends swarmed into the next alley, and not long after, Yeehyeon appeared at the main entrance of ‘The Hands.’ It was the first time Liu had seen Yeehyeon all day, as his morning walk had likely been skipped because of the snow.
Liu tensed and leaned forward.
- –
- The French Christmas greeting, equivalent to ‘Merry Christmas’ in English.
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