“What am I thinking?”
“Getting married at twenty-six is too fast as it is. How could I possibly tell Yeehyeon to get pregnant at twenty-six? The physical toll of pregnancy and childbirth would all be Yeehyeon’s burden to bear. I can’t do that to our Yeehyeon.”
“Is that your impression of me?”
Standing firm before the dining table, Liu crossed his arms and scowled.
“Even I can see it this plainly, you think Yeehyeon doesn’t know what you’re thinking?”
“……”
“Have a proper conversation with Yeehyeon. I’m saying this because I’m worried you’ll just change the subject even if Yeehyeon tries to bring it up first.”
It was a direct hit.
As the baby continued to fuss, Seo Yeehan rose from his seat.
“You know he’s strong enough to decide for himself what’s best for him.”
That, too, was true.
Perhaps Liu himself was just being stubborn, under the obsession that he had to do things for Yeehyeon’s sake. But he was always anxious that things like marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting might interfere with Yeehyeon’s personal development or achievements.
The baby, who had been stuffing his own hand into his mouth, grinned at Liu and reached out his arms. Liu took the hand without hesitation and kissed the tiny fist.
“Parang, your daddy must be so happy since you were born.”
Having packed the diaper bag and slung it over his shoulder, Seo YihYeehanan held the baby in one arm and headed for the door.
“Yeehyeon might be concentrating, so I’ll just go. Tell him I said hi.”
“Drive safe.”
Seconds after the front door closed, the baby’s crying began. Seo Yeehan’s voice, soothing the baby, could be heard as well.
“Did Uncle disappear? It’s okay, Parang. Don’t cry. Let’s go home and see Mommy. Do you know how much Mommy is waiting for you? Let’s see Uncle again next week, okay?”
Liu’s heart ached at the sound of the sorrowful crying, which wouldn’t easily stop and gradually faded into the distance. For a while, he stood with his hands on his hips, blankly listening to the cries. Only after the sound of crying had completely vanished did he go to the living room and start cleaning up the baby’s traces.
Large baby items like a sleeping pad, a blanket, and a stroller, which were difficult to pack and carry back and forth each time, were also kept in one of Liu and Yeehyeon’s guest rooms.
Just the absence of one tiny baby made the house feel so empty and hollow that his movements became needlessly fussy. While organizing the pad, blanket, and handkerchiefs the baby had used today into a basket in the laundry room, Liu suddenly paused, lost in thought.
「I’m saying this because I’m worried you’ll just change the subject even if Yeehyeon tries to bring it up first.」
Seo Yeehan’s meddling was not an unfounded concern.
After looking after Parang or spending time with the family, Yeehyeon would always grow quiet for a while. Liu was not unaware of the envious gaze with which he watched the two of them, looking happy as they surrounded the baby. Liu knew well what that look meant, for he felt the same way Yeehyeon did.
Each time, instead of a serious conversation, Liu had only lightened Yeehyeon’s mood by changing the subject with a lighthearted joke.
That it was an important time to focus more on his work, that Yeehyeon could gain even more recognition.
Under the pretext of doing what was best for Yeehyeon, was he not, in fact, turning a blind eye to what Yeehyeon truly wanted?
Haa… Letting out a heavy sigh, Liu left the laundry room. It was almost 6 o’clock. Even on days when his work was going exceptionally well, Yeehyeon never worked past 6. Regular, steady work that didn’t compromise his health or daily life. That was Yeehyeon’s way.
It seemed a change of pace was needed.
Even though it was the weekend, it was a Sunday evening, so it wouldn’t be difficult to reserve a table at a nice restaurant. There were quite a few good restaurants in Ubud run by friends they had made after moving here. He would order wine, and depending on the mood, it might be good to bring up the topic of a baby.
Was it because of that thought?
He felt his heart beating faster than usual.
It was a rare occurrence, so Liu gave a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck. The thought that Seo Yeehyeon was the only one who could make this arrogant heart as soft as a boy’s, the only one who could make it pound like the moment he proposed, made him laugh.
He tidied the disheveled sofa and put away the traces of Leo’s playing. He also washed the mugs he and Seo Yeehan had drunk from. Even as he did so, the flutter in his chest did not subside.
Only then did Liu notice.
That this was somehow different from a flutter of excitement.
The feeling that something was about to happen, no, that something was already happening and he just didn’t know it, making him anxious… This was not excitement, but anxiety.
Liu couldn’t sit still in one place. The living room, the kitchen, the bedroom. He paced and wandered throughout the entire house. Then, stopping in the dressing room, he grabbed the sleeve of one of Yeehyeon’s t-shirts, pressed it to his nose and mouth, and inhaled. Though it was a freshly laundered and hung piece of clothing, it felt as if his scent was wafting from it.
The anxiety did not abate. On the contrary, it grew worse and worse. It was a kind of heart-pounding he had never felt before. His heart was throbbing in his temples.
I have to go to Yeehyeon.
I have to see with my own two eyes that Yeehyeon is safe.
I will feel the warmth of his skin and hear his calm voice. Then I will be freed from this anxiety.
He was intensely captivated by that thought alone.
Exiting the dressing room, he crossed the hallway. By the time he was leaving the front door, he was almost running.
Between the gallery and their home, the light in Yeehyeon’s atelier was on. Before opening the door, he could first peer inside through the window.
The moment he spotted Yeehyeon collapsed on the floor beyond the large window, the hair on Liu’s entire body stood on end.
“Yeehyeon!”
But upon opening the door, he couldn’t run to Yeehyeon right away. He had to take half a step back and squeeze his eyes shut.
The pheromones of an omega, of Diamond Dust, filled the room. Like a greenhouse where hundreds of thousands of lilies were in full bloom, like a perfume bottle shattered in a sealed space. A thick, cloying, dangerous scent.
Liu approached Yeehyeon, leaving the door open. Slumped on the floor, Yeehyeon’s head was bowed low, his shoulders heaving as if he were sobbing. As Liu drew closer, he saw that Yeehyeon was clutching his own throat, struggling to breathe.
So as not to startle Yeehyeon, Liu knelt beside him. He carefully placed a hand on Yeehyeon’s back and stroked it.
“Yeehyeon, Seo Yeehyeon? It’s me.”
“Kun…?”
When Yeehyeon lifted his head, his eyes were unfocused. His languidly parted lips slowly exhaled and inhaled. Liu wrapped an arm around Yeehyeon’s shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Then he caressed his cheek and kissed his forehead. It wasn’t a raging fire, but his body temperature was higher than usual.
Exposed to the condensed pheromones of Diamond Dust, Liu felt his own pheromones leaking out, unable to resist. Sexual desire for the body in his arms boiled up with a throbbing ache.
“Yes, it’s me. It’s okay now, Yeehyeon.”
“It’s really, really you, Kun, right?”
Yeehyeon’s trembling hand gripped Liu’s chest.
“Smell my pheromones. It’s me. How long have you been like this? Huh?”
Yeehyeon buried his nose and mouth in the crook of Liu’s neck.
“It smells like Kun. It’s Kun.”
Then, as if desperately seeking water for a burning thirst, he sought Liu’s lips. But he couldn’t even manage a proper kiss.
“Here, touch me here, Kun.”
Yeehyeon grabbed Liu’s wrist and guided it between his own legs. It was a side of him that could only be seen after foreplay had ripened and he was sufficiently exposed to pheromones. No, this was even more aggressive than that.
Liu flinched in surprise. Even through the pants, he could tell that his crotch was completely, soakingly wet.
Yeehyeon had never skipped a single day of suppressants. Liu personally gave them to him every day. Today had been no different.
So how could something like this happen?
“My stomach… my stomach is hot, Kun.”
With lips white and dry from fever, Yeehyeon pleaded in pain. Liu hugged Yeehyeon’s shoulders tightly.
The explosively thick pheromones, the high body temperature, the heat in his abdomen, the gushing slick, the intense sexual desire…
As far as Liu knew, this was a heat.
■ ■ ■
As if his knees had no strength, Yeehyeon couldn’t support himself on his own two legs. When Liu forced him to stand, his thighs trembled violently, and a puddle of slick had pooled where he had been sitting. Seeing the mark that stained the gray tiles black, Liu felt like he would lose his mind and pounce on Yeehyeon.
He clenched his jaw and shook his head. Then he half-lifted, half-supported Yeehyeon and sat him down on the sofa.
He needed to find the suppressants and make him take them, but Yeehyeon wouldn’t let go. He wrapped his arms around Liu’s neck and clung to him, sweet and desperate.
“Don’t go…”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll go get your medicine. You need to take your medicine first, Yeehyeon.”
Leave a Reply