Sipping wine, he spent a leisurely time for the first time in a while.
The excited atmosphere just days before Christmas. The piled snow and the falling snow.
The warm glow of the lights decorating the tree and the carols.
Things that had held no meaning before, things he had looked at without emotion, now made Liu sentimental. What if he could share all of this with Yeehyeon? That one wish alone was enough.
Paris was beautiful under the heavy snowfall. It was so even without the Eiffel Tower, the Champs-Élysées, or the Seine as a backdrop. No, right now, this corner of an alley on the edge of the 19th arrondissement was more beautiful than any glamorous spot in Paris. Because this was the place Yeehyeon would return to.
What he’d told the waiter was not a lie. Liu was actually planning to stay here until after Christmas.
As ‘Phantom’ went into major interior renovations, Chief Han had given him a week-long vacation.
“Get some rest. Do what you want to do…. If there’s somewhere you want to go, go. Don’t spend twenty-five hours round-trip on a plane every weekend.”
She had known. The fact that Liu was flying to Paris and back every weekend.
Kwon Juhan had even made a more audacious remark.
“Go and take him back.”
The kid had gone so far as to say that with a defiant look in his eyes. To go and take Yeehyeon back. He was the one who, more than anyone, had wanted Phantom to be one forever, who had dreamed a Peter Pan-like dream. To Kwon Juhan, the changed relationship between Liu and Yeehyeon might have been a wound comparable to his parents’ divorce.
Take him back….
As he poured more red wine into his empty glass, Liu let out a pained, deflated laugh.
If he had been taken by someone else, he would have tried to get him back by any means necessary. But Yeehyeon hadn’t been stolen. He had lost him himself. He couldn’t blame anyone, nor did he know who he should throw down the gauntlet to.
He could only wait for Yeehyeon’s forgiveness.
Michael Bublé’s ‘The Christmas Song’ ended, and a new song began. It was ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ sung by Frank Sinatra.
Come to think of it, a year had passed since he started waiting for Yeehyeon.
At the memory of last Christmas, Liu unknowingly grimaced.
Last Christmas had been a terrible memory, having to clean up the mess he had made in New York, where everything he had prepared for Yeehyeon remained as it was.
Things he had prepared for Yeehyeon?
No, they were traps to keep him from leaving me.
What would this Christmas be like?
If my year-long wait has moved the heavens, then the white-bearded old man who rides a reindeer-drawn sleigh will give me a small reward, too.
Covering his face with one hand, Liu snickered. He even shook his head as if in disbelief.
It was truly an uncharacteristic thought.
By the time he was on his third glass of wine, Yeehyeon appeared on the bridge.
Liu remained seated and watched Yeehyeon. As if appreciating a film, he sipped and swallowed his wine, his eyes silently following his movements.
In the darkening late-afternoon scenery, Yeehyeon’s back, with a backpack on, quickened its pace. Even so, he didn’t forget the leisure of pausing for a moment in front of Mr. Rabbit. As if to say hello to the doll, to tell it he was back.
Seo Yeehyeon, who couldn’t just pass by Mr. Rabbit.
That alone was as good as a small reward from Santa Claus to Liu. It was enough.
Around the time the sun had completely set and the heavy snow that had poured down all day entered a lull, Liu left the shop. Heat rose from his body from the wine, making the air on his cheeks feel refreshingly cool.
After crossing the bridge, he unfailingly paused for a moment in front of the gift shop.
Mr. Rabbit, Alice, and the adorable tea set.
Inside the shop window, now adorned with Christmas decorations, they seemed to emit a more mystical light than usual. It felt as if fantastical things were about to unfold before his very eyes.
Since when was I the type to be so swayed by the Christmas mood? Liu snickered, shoved his hands into his coat pockets, and turned away. But it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.
Carols were also flowing out of Yeehyeon’s regular café. The people eating, drinking, laughing, and chatting inside the light-spilling café all looked happy. He didn’t envy their happiness.
Because he was happier now, loving and waiting for Yeehyeon, than his past self who hadn’t known, hadn’t loved the person named Seo Yeehyeon.
As he was just rounding the corner, he glanced to the side and noticed that Ben from ‘The Hands’ was following behind him. To be precise, he wasn’t following, but was also just heading to his own destination.
While pretending to look at a shop’s display stand, Ben passed Liu.
Tap, tap. After knocking the snow from his feet on the stairs, Ben disappeared inside the main entrance of ‘The Hands.’ In that moment, to Liu, Ben was the most enviable man in the world. Because he returned home to the same place as Yeehyeon and could knock on his door at any time.
The street corner. In front of the closed optician’s shop, Liu looked up at the windows of ‘The Hands’ for a long time. Seeing that the lights were off in most of the rooms, it seemed they were all gathered in the second-floor living room.
I had thought that I wanted him to ache with longing for me rather than have fun and forget me. But now, I was glad that there were people by Yeehyeon’s side.
I was glad that the one looking up at the light-spilling window from a snowy street corner was me, Liu, and not Yeehyeon. Truly.
He imagined Yeehyeon spending a boisterous and warm end of the year, surrounded by people. With a warm smile, Liu turned his body. Should I find some blunt bar, somewhere without the soft Christmas atmosphere, and drink some more? With that thought, he walked slowly toward the apartment.
Trying to slow his pace home, he stopped on the street and took out his cigarette pack. To light it, he cupped his left hand around the tip of the cigarette to block the wind.
Thump, thump, thump. The sound of footsteps running through the snow-covered alley suddenly caught Liu’s ear.
Like foreshadowing in a movie, the sound of those footsteps strangely made Liu’s heart race.
The footsteps, which had been getting closer, stopped abruptly nearby. Liu turned his head toward the street corner he had just turned from.
“……”
He froze on the spot, like someone who had come face-to-face with an angel in a dead-end alley.
His left hand moved on its own, taking the cigarette he was holding from his lips.
White puffs of breath bloomed from Yeehyeon’s lips as he caught his breath. It was unbelievable.
Should I run? Do I have to run away?
He hadn’t prepared any excuse to give Yeehyeon for why he was here.
“For a stakeout… aren’t you a little too, eye-catching?”
It wasn’t a look of seeing a hideous monster, or a chilling ghost.
Just as he had in his imagination, Yeehyeon was smiling brightly at him.
As if the entire painful process of facing the truth and digging into each other had never happened.
As if they were lovers who had yearned for each other and met by chance.
This was a miracle.
Was it really something he was allowed to do, to approach Yeehyeon and speak to him?
Liu, who had been standing stock-still and just staring at Yeehyeon with the heart of a sinner, wondering if he dared to approach, suddenly began to move without hesitation. He threw away the unlit cigarette and strode, almost ran, toward Yeehyeon. His feet moved before he could reach a conclusion.
Because Yeehyeon was crying.
He cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb. It was Yeehyeon’s cheek, which he had so longed to touch.
He met Yeehyeon’s tear-filled eyes as he looked up at him.
His wet eyelashes trembled, and Yeehyeon’s hand tightly gripped Liu’s arm that was cupping his cheek.
“Don’t go….”
Yeehyeon’s single phrase was an absolute command to Liu. He pressed his forehead against Yeehyeon’s and nodded.
“I won’t go anywhere until you tell me to.”
That he would run over immediately if Yeehyeon said he wanted to see him, on a whim, whenever.
And that he would disappear right away if Yeehyeon then said he couldn’t stand the sight of him again.
He was a man who had already promised Yeehyeon as much. He was even prepared to repeat that act for the rest of his life.
In this unbelievable miracle, he slowly pulled Yeehyeon’s shoulders into an embrace. Yeehyeon’s temple touched his right cheek. He felt Yeehyeon’s breath on his neck. Yeehyeon’s warmth filled his chest.
Haa….
His eyes closed on their own, and a sigh of relief was exhaled from deep within.
This is not a sumbisori.
Permission has been granted to come completely ashore.
He was holding Yeehyeon, who was telling him not to go, in his arms. Yeehyeon’s two hands were holding onto him tightly. He kept pulling Yeehyeon’s shoulders, bare of even a coat, into a tighter embrace. As if trying to hide him in his arms, away from the eyes of the whole world.
Now, I’ve survived. I felt like I could live.
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