Recalling the definition of forgiveness Jacques Derrida was said to have given, which Yeehyeon had mentioned during a phone call once, Liu tousled the back of his hair.
“Don’t keep being so lenient with me. What will you do if I start taking advantage of it?”
Yeehyeon buried his forehead in Liu’s shoulder and laughed. Even the fact that the tremors from Yeehyeon’s laughter were transmitted directly to him felt special. Liu let out a deep breath, huu, wrapped an arm around Yeehyeon’s shoulders, and pressed a kiss to his ear. He could feel Yeehyeon’s hands grabbing the waist of his thin knit sweater.
“Even if there are people who interpret my intentions differently, even when I get scared in front of the canvas because of those gazes… when I remember that there’s at least one person who will see my heart for what it is, then… I find the courage to boldly paint what I want to paint.”
“……”
It was a relief they were holding each other. Liu dipped his head once more and buried his lips in his cheek. Flushed from the alcohol, the cheek was as hot as it had been on that Wednesday night when he was suffering from a fever.
“I know I’m not good at expressing myself…. But, um… it’s not that I hate your jealousy, it’s just that when you say things like that, Kun, my own emotions get stirred up and I start missing you… and that’s hard… so that’s why I said that.”
Liu pulled Yeehyeon away from his body and looked at his face. He was clearly more drunk than Liu had ever seen him, but he was distinctly trying to convey his own thoughts.
Yeehyeon must have missed him just as much as he had. Just as he had given a half-hearted proposal because he didn’t want to restrain him, perhaps Yeehyeon, too, was enduring their time apart because he didn’t want to interfere with his life and work.
Liu slowly shook his head.
“Uh, um… why, why are you lookin’ at me like that?”
As it became harder for him to speak clearly, Yeehyeon’s pronunciation once again became partially slow and slurred. Liu pressed his forehead against Yeehyeon’s and smiled.
“No reason. Just because being with you feels like a dream, and I like it.”
He rubbed the tip of his nose against Yeehyeon’s and pressed his lips to his. It reminded him of their first kiss on the terrace at the party hosted by ‘The Face.’ Yeehyeon, who had become flustered and quickly flushed from just a kiss, and the unfamiliar self who, stimulated by that clumsy reaction, had lost his usual composure.
After a few pecks that lightly pressed and released from the surface of his lips, he tilted his chin to delve deeper into him. The sweet taste of wine lingered on Yeehyeon’s lips. It was so soft and warm that he didn’t want to pull away.
Yeehyeon’s hands, which had been at his waist, slid up his back and wrapped around his shoulders. Liu pulled his shoulders closer and took a step back. His back touched the café’s glass wall. A damp chill seeped through his thin knit sweater, but he didn’t care.
Given the location, he didn’t use his tongue. As he painstakingly kissed his sweet upper and lower lips in turn, Yeehyeon would also pucker his lips to envelop Liu’s. The syrupy sound of their membranes firmly sucking and releasing from each other tickled his ears.
After holding his shoulders, readjusting his grip several times, and pressing their lips together for a long while, Yeehyeon was the first to push his chest away. With his gaze lowered, he covered his lips with the back of his hand and lowered his voice.
“Let’s go back in. A Wei’s nose… is cold.”
“Yeehyeon.”
“……”
“I can’t. I think… my pheromones are about to come out.”
Yeehyeon relaxed his shoulders and laughed. Then, with a lightly clenched fist, he pushed Liu’s chest and darted away. Liu grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Biting his lower lip to swallow a laugh, he wrapped his arms around his waist once more.
Liu bent his head to kiss him, and Yeehyeon dodged his approaching face, twisting his body this way and that. They spent a long time in front of the café, playing around like that. They didn’t even realize it was cold.
When they returned to the café together, both of their faces were flushed red, and in Yeehyeon’s hands was a bouquet of yellow mimosas.
■ ■ ■
“Not for long… just for two or three days.”
Liu had gone into the bathroom, leaving the door open just a crack, and was speaking on the phone in a low voice. With one hand stuck in the front pocket of his untied robe, he swept his hair back.
“No, I’m fine now. The pre-opening event yesterday went well, too. Yeah. So… it’s not about that, I just want to rest for two or three more days, that’s all.”
At the news that he would spend a few more days here before returning, Manager Han was busy teasing him as if she’d caught him in the act. After wrestling with her for a while, Liu finally leaned back against the tiled wall as if in surrender. The hair he had been holding fell lightly over his forehead. “Hah… fine. Think whatever you want and tease me all you like. It’s because I can’t bring myself to leave my younger lover that I left behind in Paris. I’m still worried that he was sick. Just like you said, Manager Han, I’m overprotective. So I’ll stay for just a few more days, see that he’s completely healthy, and then I’ll go. Okay?”
The victor’s cheerful laughter came from the other side of the phone. Liu scrubbed his bare face and pushed himself off the wall, quickly ending the call.
“I’ll take that as your agreement and hang up now, okay?”
He felt as if everyone was making a joke out of his and Yeehyeon’s relationship. He wasn’t the type to be flustered by such situations, but something in him must have broken; he felt unfamiliar with the flustered, clumsy way he was reacting.
Shaking his head, Liu was about to leave the bathroom when he paused in front of the mirror above the sink.
He put his phone in his robe pocket, braced his hands on the edge of the sink, and stroked the bluish area around his jaw. As evidence of their lovemaking that had continued until dawn, the man in the mirror had hazy eyes like sugar-coated donuts.
From a distance, his two eyes, which looked as if they had only whites without pupils or irises, were enough to make anyone feel strange and uncomfortable. Children would surely scream and run away. Yeehyeon’s description of them as being like a ‘snow globe’ was impossible without the filter of love.
Liu still lacked the confidence to show these eyes to Yeehyeon. Not only were they hideous, but they now brought him pain, like a brand that reminded him of what he had done to Yeehyeon.
The pain was natural. He didn’t want to forget. Just because Yeehyeon had forgiven him completely didn’t mean he himself should act as if it had never happened.
When he carefully closed the bathroom door and returned to the cramped kitchen, Yeehyeon was buried in a pile of fluffy blankets, stretching.
“You’re awake?”
“Mm… what time is it?”
His voice was husky, full of sleep. Liu perched on the edge of the mattress and pulled back the blanket that was half-covering Yeehyeon’s face.
“A little past ten. You can sleep more, but would you like some coffee?”
Peeking his face out from under the blanket, Yeehyeon looked up at Liu and nodded. At his gaze, which was fixed on his white eyes, Liu rubbed the back of his neck and quickly got up.
When he returned with a large mug of lightly brewed hand-drip coffee, Yeehyeon had sat up. His upper body, exposed outside the white bedding, was beautiful even in his blurry vision.
In a little over a month, Yeehyeon’s body had become firmer and leaner. The physique, at the peak of its youth, was becoming less like a boy’s and more like a young man’s.
Last night, pleasantly drunk, Yeehyeon had become honest in a shorter amount of time than usual. Recalling his bold seduction, Liu immediately felt a heaviness between his legs. His penis stirred inside his underwear, the only piece of clothing he wore besides the robe.
Even in his boyhood, he had never been so defenseless against sexual stimulation. His reaction was as instantaneous as if he had been exposed to the pheromones of a powerful Golden Omega. It was because Yeehyeon was a Diamond Dust.
The more they slept together, the stronger his influence became, and in a state like now, with the afterglow of their night still lingering, stimulation was even simpler. Tense pheromones were coursing rapidly through his veins. They were in a state where they could ignite in an instant and pounce on each other at any moment.
Clearing his throat to shake off the arousal, Liu handed the mug to Yeehyeon. He leaned down to give him a morning kiss on the forehead and was about to turn away when Yeehyeon grabbed his wrist.
“Aren’t you having any?”
“I was getting ready to make you pancakes.”
“You don’t have to…. Especially when you can’t see well.”
Yeehyeon’s eyes drooped at the corners as he stroked the wrist he was holding with his thumb.
As it was, Yeehyeon had always been bothered by the devoted care Liu provided as a matter of course after they had sex. Despite having been tangled up and covered in bodily fluids all over last night, his body this morning was perfectly dry without a hint of stickiness.
Moreover, this morning too, he had no memory of what happened after the second knotting. He didn’t know if Liu had taken him to the bathroom to wash him or if he had wiped him down with a towel.
“It’s a familiar place. If I’m careful, I can manage that much.”
“I mean, I like the pancakes you make, Kun, so I’m happy, but…”
Liu ruffled the apologetic Yeehyeon’s hair and tied the front of his robe with its belt.
“Drink your coffee and wake up a bit. The batter’s all ready, so I just have to cook them.”
As if fleeing, Liu returned to the kitchen counter. While portioning out the batter he had prepared in a clear bowl before the call with Manager Han and shaping it into circles on the frying pan, he tried his best to focus on other thoughts.
“Did you have all the ingredients?”
“……”
As if oblivious to his efforts, Yeehyeon had come up behind him at some point and was now resting his chin on his shoulder, looking down at the frying pan. He, too, was in a robe.
“I went grocery shopping before the party yesterday to make you breakfast.”
They both realized that his words meant he had been certain they would have sex after the party.
Yeehyeon buried his forehead in Liu’s shoulder and tried to suppress his laughter.
“Is that too sly of me?”
Biting his lower lip, Yeehyeon shook his head.
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