“……”
Instead of answering, Yeehyeon just stared at him silently, his gaze reproachful. Liu decided not to tease him any further. Smiling faintly, he reached out and took Yeehyeon’s hand, which was resting loosely on the table.
“What is it that I supposedly know?”
“……”
“Don’t you know how I lived before I met you?”
They had shared countless stories with each other over time. For a couple in a long-distance relationship, 90,000 kilometers apart, their main dates were phone calls. Whether by voice or video. So, naturally, they talked a lot.
It was good manners not to talk about his past to Yeehyeon. Thinking so, Liu had never brought up the topic himself. But if Yeehyeon was curious, he was also prepared to reveal everything honestly. For his part, Liu had wanted to be the subject of jealousy at least once.
However, Yeehyeon was more mature and emotionally economical than anyone Liu knew. He didn’t seem like the type to care about a past that was already over. He had all but given up on jealousy.
「When was the last relationship you were in before you met me?」
So when Yeehyeon had asked him that question, he had shot up from his lying position. He had been growing drowsy listening to Yeehyeon’s voice, but the question felt like a splash of cold water, waking him instantly.
「If it’s uncomfortable to answer… you don’t have to.」
Yeehyeon had added in a hesitant tone.
The thought of Yeehyeon being conscious of his past partners and feeling jealous of them was maddeningly endearing. He had wanted to fly to Paris right then and there, wrap his arms tightly around him, and bury his lips in his soft cheek.
The fact that Yeehyeon was jealous of someone else over him was thrilling and tart. If consideration, hugs, and kisses were the sweetness of love, then jealousy was its tartness. Through Yeehyeon, Liu had tasted them both.
It was nothing to brag about at his age, but he had never had what one might call a proper relationship. Of course, there had been people he had dated a few times, whether out of attraction or curiosity. But each time, it had ended anticlimactically, never developing into a serious relationship. —Liu had confessed this to Yeehyeon, honestly and calmly.
「To develop into a romantic relationship, there are always points where you have to adjust to each other, but I always got stuck there. I didn’t want to continue a relationship to the point of changing myself.」
After a few dates, contact would fizzle out, or one of them would step up and say they didn’t see a need to meet anymore, and the encounters would end.
Since he couldn’t stay with one person for long, rumors had circulated in Hong Kong’s social circles that Liu was a playboy. There were also rumors that he was picky and had high standards. Liu didn’t care.
「I just accepted that I wasn’t cut out for relationships. And I thought I’d always be that way.」
「But then I showed up, is that it?」
At times like this, Yeehyeon was cool. Liu had smiled, but agreed in all seriousness.
「That’s right. My Diamond Dust appeared, against whom neither control nor suppressants work.」
And yet, here was Yeehyeon, implying that Liu Wikwan knew all about love and romance. He was just being petulant. Liu, too, had been as unfamiliar with love as Yeehyeon was back then. He was a novice who had never sacrificed for anyone, nor felt the pain of longing.
“It was the same for me.”
Liu tugged lightly on Yeehyeon’s hand, squeezing it, as if to say, look at me.
“It’s only you. The only one I’ve been crazy enough to go wild for, the one through whom I learned what real love is by watching and waiting. It’s all because of you.”
“I know… I didn’t say it because I don’t know how much you love me, Kun.”
Averting his gaze, Yeehyeon mumbled, looking apologetic. He was worried his words might have sounded as if he were doubting Liu’s love.
“Yeah. I know that Seo Yeehyeon knows.”
At that, Yeehyeon finally let out a small laugh. Liu squeezed his hand once more before letting go. Then he served some salad onto Yeehyeon’s plate. Lettuce and arugula, topped with red tomatoes and orange persimmons. It was a salad with pretty, vibrant colors.
Swiss cheese was famous and tasted wonderful, but he hadn’t put it in the salad this time. The two had a plan to try the famous local specialties of each region as much as possible, and they had mostly stuck to it, but foods with strong tastes and smells like cheese were not allowed on the dinner table. The reason, of course, was for the intimate time that would naturally follow dinner.
“Thank you. I’ll enjoy it.”
After Liu served him the salad, Yeehyeon said his thanks before picking up his fork.
The two had already had a debate about serving food early in their trip. Yeehyeon, who insisted he could serve himself, had faced off against Liu, who insisted Yeehyeon let him do it because he wanted to. And victory had gone to Liu.
Even while waiting patiently as Liu served the food, Yeehyeon’s expression always looked like he wanted to protest.
I can do it myself….
Watching that side of Yeehyeon was another source of joy for Liu.
All the food was fresh and delicious. When the ingredients were excellent, even simple dishes could produce the best flavors. The wine, deliberately chosen for its light body, paired well not only with the steak but also with the salad and basil pesto, despite being a red.
“I think you chose the wine well.”
“You think so?”
“It goes well with both the basil pesto and the steak.”
Liu burst into a cheerful laugh.
“I was thinking the exact same thing. We’re a match made in heaven.”
Watching Liu find meaning in even the smallest things, Yeehyeon laughed too.
Outside the window, it was slowly, almost imperceptibly, growing dark. The candle on the table felt that much brighter. Gazing at each other’s faces, flickering in the warm orange light, their stories and laughter on this autumn night were endless.
When the steak and gnocchi were nearly gone, Liu rested his arm, which was holding his wine glass, loosely on the table.
“Come to think of it, you seemed to be standing in front of that Egon Schiele piece for a long time earlier.”
“Ah…”
Like a boy whose little secret had been found out, Yeehyeon smiled awkwardly. Then he nodded seriously.
“I think I’m still more drawn to heavier themes. I don’t know how that might change later, though.”
Life, death, meaning, relationships, anxiety. And despite all that, hope, love.
Yeehyeon was engrossed in more difficult subjects, and because of that, opinions about him in the art world were sharply divided.
“Personally, there are many parts of Schiele’s private life I can’t agree with. But his boldness in choosing subjects that can be uncomfortable, or…”
“……”
“The way he expresses them…”
“……”
Even while speaking, Yeehyeon was the type to constantly organize his thoughts and choose his words carefully. He was scratching the stem of his wine glass, pondering his next words, when at some point his lips closed completely. Then he just gazed silently at Liu across from him.
“Why.”
“Just because. Because you’re pretty, Kun.”
“Suddenly, in the middle of talking about Schiele?”
“It could be frustrating, but you always wait silently for me to finish what I’m saying. That side of you… looked pretty to me.”
“That’s because to me, even the silences in between are the language of Seo Yeehyeon.”
As if it were obvious, as if it were nothing special. Shrugging, Liu tilted the glass he had been swirling in his hand and swallowed some wine. Then he ate a little more salad.
“This was imported from Italy, right? I didn’t know Italian persimmons were this delicious.”
“I know, right? They’re delicious.”
Yeehyeon, who had been observing Liu intently, put down his glass and leaned forward slightly. As if he absolutely had to say this one thing.
“A Wei, how can you keep thinking of things like that to say?”
“Hm? Like what?”
“Like… sweet things like that.”
“That Italian persimmons are delicious?”
Pfft. Caught off guard, Yeehyeon burst out laughing. The candle in front of him flickered wildly for a moment before settling down.
“No. The part about… even the silences in between being the language of Seo Yeehyeon.”
“Do I sound like a playboy?”
“It’s different from that. If I thought it was a playboy’s line, I wouldn’t have reacted at all.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s not a problem. It’s just, I’m not good at saying things like that to you, A Wei…”
“You know I mean it. That’s enough.”
Liu spoke lightly again, as if it were no big deal, and gave a light smile. But Yeehyeon still wasn’t reassured. He was worried whether his love was being fully conveyed to Liu, whether he was just relying on his older lover’s understanding. Even confessing this anxiety would be a form of childish dependence on him, but…
“I’m receiving plenty of affection, so don’t you worry about that.”
Liu refilled Yeehyeon’s glass with more wine, a meaningful and sensual smile playing on his lips.
“Seo Yeehyeon is more expressive with his affection than he thinks.”
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